We had a great time last week talking about humble love. So much of our spiritual journey must be a continual effort to submit and trust in God even in all the stress and craziness of life. Here are the discussion questions. Please share your thoughts.
Saint Patrick: Why I now where green.
As a kid, I never wore green on St. Patrick’s day so I could go against the grain, but now as an adult, I try to wear green to honor this amazing man.
- shipped from England to Ireland into slavery at age 16
- escapes back to England only to RETURN to Ireland as a missionary
- began his walk with Christ at age 40–yes it is NEVER too late
- planted an estimated 800 churches in Ireland
- one of the greatest evangelists of ALL time
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.
I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.
I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.
I bind to myself today
God’s Power to guide me,
God’s Might to uphold me,
God’s Wisdom to teach me,
God’s Eye to watch over me,
God’s Ear to hear me,
God’s Word to give me speech,
God’s Hand to guide me,
God’s Way to lie before me,
God’s Shield to shelter me,
God’s Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.
I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.
Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.
Uniqueness of Human Capacity to Express Malice
Enjoy this very interesting and brief post from Reasons to Believe Blog:
One of the cornerstone doctrines of the Christian faith is that humans alone among all life-forms on Earth are sinners. According to the Bible, all humans and only humans are born with the propensity to commit evil acts. That being the case, it should not be difficult for scientists to develop tests to confirm or deny this essential teaching of the Christian faith.
A team of evolutionary biologists at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology recently performed such a test.1 The team put chimpanzees in cages where the chimps could withhold food from other chimpanzees by pulling on a rope. The researchers found that the chimpanzees would not withhold food from their compatriots out of pure spite. They would only do so, in a statistically significant manner, in response to a chimp that stole its food.
Interestingly, if a human stole its food and gave it another chimp, there was no significant response toward the chimp that received the food. Also, the team made no attempt to test whether or not chimpanzees would engage in “altruistic punishment” (punishing fellow chimpanzees who stole food from other chimpanzees with whom they had no social contact), though they hinted that they would do so in a future study.
The research team concluded that spiteful behavior appears to be unique to the human species. Only humans will engage in malicious behavior toward their compatriots for no other reason than the fact that they want to hurt someone. The team also commented on humanity’s flip side, namely, that only humans will engage in “pure altruism” (self-sacrificial acts performed to reward or rescue another human being with whom no social context has ever existed or could ever possibly exist). The team thus confirmed the Bible’s repeated commentaries on the state of humanity: uniquely evil among all life on Earth but also uniquely righteous.
- Keith Jensen, Josep Call, and Michael Tomasello, “Chimpanzees Are Vengeful But Not Spiteful,” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, USA 104 (August 7, 2007): 13046-50.
Married Life Live, Session 1: Are You Enough?
Below you will find a powerpoint presentation that I taught from back in 2004 regarding the “I am not enough” concept. Please enjoy the slides and the audio summary of this important relationship point. And as always share your comments with us.
2 books that are great on this topic:
FEEDBACK FORM: Married Life Live Session #1, March 6, 2009
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Married Life Live Session #1, March 6, 2009 SUMMARY
Enjoy the audio summary of our teaching and here are your answers:
Ways the women feel loved:
- affirmation–positive comments, gratitude
- phone calls during the day
- listen (turn-off TV, electronics) and listen without solving the problem
- maintain peace if ‘mom’ is feeling upset
- no selective hearing
- pray together
- affection (non-sexual)–hand holding, kissing, etc.
- committment to purity (ex. victoria secret commercial, movies-selective etc.)
- empathy
- relifef with kids & house chores
- balanced parenting (teamwork)
- listening and following through (ex. listening to a book that was mentioned and then buying it for us)
- date night (planning it from start to finish–including setting up a babysitter)
- respecting in-laws and boundaries with in-laws
- family and couple time as a priority
- affirm us without asking (“you are my hero.”)
- give us grace, forgive and forget–don’t bring up the past and don’t use the past against us
- support our passions/hobbies & learn to enjoy our activities
- understand our stress
- speak with softer tones in your voice and without nagging
- speak highly of us with your friends
- trust our decisions
- allign and stand behind us when we are parenting our kids
- give us down time…respect our space
- (am I forgetting anything?) the men did mention that the top 3 ways that they feel respect is: #1 SEX. #2 SEX. #3 SEX.
Please share with us your comments & feedback.
Men’s Group: Abide in Him, March 4, 2009
Thanks to Dave for this brief summary:
When Jesus said, “remain in me and I will remain in you,” He was saying, continue/stay with me and I will continue/stay with you. Jesus is there waiting for us, but we must first remain in Him. One of our questions last Wednesday asked how Jesus provides a way for us to stay with Him in true love. Can you think of any ways He does this? Our table came up with prayer/alone time with Him as the number one answer. It’s been said before, the ONLY way to stay in relationship with someone is to talk to them; spend time with them. That goes for our relationship with God, too. He already knows us; in order for us to get to know Him, we must talk with and LISTEN to Him on a daily basis. The only way we can truly love like Jesus is by pursuing Him. Bucky opened last Wednesday with a great story; it was about him practicing basketball and falling on the court. His Dad saw Bucky fall, went out and picked him up, and said to his crying son, “Bucky, you have been trying really hard. If you keep training like that you will be an All American one day.” Bucky told us those tears vanished instantly because Bucky knew his Dad believed in him. And, this story serves as a reminder that God believes in us. Bucky made it a point to reinforce what Bill Gaultiere used to always tell us in Guide Group. That is it isn’t about trying, it is about training. Abiding in Christ trains our hearts to become more like Him. We can never be Jesus, but we can train with Him.
What does it look like to be the Good Samaritan?
An AMAZING sermon by Pastor Bucky regarding the daring adventure to be a Good Samaritan, to be the hands and feet of Jesus to our world. This is a POWERFUL sermon that I am confident you will enjoy. At the end of his sermon there is an incredible testimony of what we can do if we lead with God’s grace and love EVEN when we can’t or don’t want to.
The Human Whisperer
http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2009/janfeb/features/verghese.html
The Human Whisperer
Whether practicing medicine or literature, Abraham Verghese teaches how to pay full attention at a patient’s bedside.
BY SUSAN COHEN
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL SUGRUE
IT TAKES ABRAHAM VERGHESEonly a few minutes to stroll from his public office to his secret one. His main office in the department of medicine contains the medical handbooks, the imposing desk, the ready assistant who copes with the physician’s complicated schedule. His secret office bears someone else’s name outside. It’s only slightly more personal than a motel room, a space devoted to nothing but writing. He jokes that he’ll be forced to eliminate anyone who uncovers its location.
Stanford promised Verghese the dual offices and two days a week to write when it hired him last year as senior associate chair for the theory and practice of medicine and put him in charge of training third- and fourth-year students as they rotate through internal medicine. It was, department of medicine chair Ralph Horwitz readily acknowledges, an unusual tenured appointment for an institution that typically evaluates a paper trail of research grants and publications to hire or promote. Verghese’s paper trail included, instead, a long list of essays, short stories and two much-praised memoirs, one of which was made into a movie starring Naveen Andrews of Lost.
Verghese’s summary of research interests remains blank on his faculty web page.
His list of publications, on the other hand, continues to grow. The newest is an epic novel, set over five decades in Ethiopia and America; Cutting for Stone will be published by Knopf on February 6.
Even more unusual than these literary accomplishments are the personal history Verghese brings to Stanford, and the ways it has led him to practice and teach medicine. Modern medicine can be high-tech, research-oriented, data-driven and time-crunched in ways that are alienating to both patient and physician. Examining a patient can come as an afterthought, neglected in the onslaught of laboratory test results, medical scans, numbers on the computer screen. These days, as Verghese puts it, “If you’re missing a finger, you have to get an X-ray to be believed.”
‘To him the physical exam is a beautiful and worthwhile art that benefits both patient and doctor.’
He is a link to an older healing tradition: devoted to medicine not just as science, but as calling and craft. Verghese doesn’t neglect modern laboratory tests; he’s board-certified in three specialties—internal medicine, pulmonary medicine and infectious diseases. But he loves nothing more than teaching students who are focused on the image of an organ on a piece of film to also look at the person in the hospital bed. And not just look, but touch, listen, even smell, with a writer’s attention to detail and a physician’s intention to discover the story of someone’s suffering.
“I loved introducing medical students to the thrill of the examination of the human body, guiding their hands to feel a liver, to percuss the stony dull note of fluid that had accumulated in the lung, to be with them when their eyes shone the first time they heard ‘tubular’ breathing . . . and thereby diagnosed pneumonia,” Verghese has written. To him, the physical exam is a beautiful and worthwhile art that benefits both patient and doctor.
Horwitz recruited Verghese after being struck by the power of his commitment to patients and bedside medicine “at a time when technology is so seductive.” The first time he heard Verghese speak, he watched this man with the soft voice electrify a boisterous audience of medical students who grew quieter and quieter so that they would not miss a word. Horwitz found in Verghese a scholar and master clinician who represents medicine’s “most enabling and enduring values.” There’s no irony in his voice when Horwitz insists that Verghese is “cutting edge” precisely because “he promotes bedside medicine and its meaning to both patients and practitioners.”
“Stanford needs that,” Horwitz argues, so that with all its emphasis on science and technology “we don’t lose sight of the value and meaning of that science and technology.”
ABRAHAM VERGHESE DESCRIBES HIMSELF as a perennial outsider. His parents were teachers from a Christian region of India, who raised him in Ethiopia. The expatriate life in Africa made him an acute observer of cultures and a seeker of connections. He believes that doctors are often wounded people attracted to medicine in an attempt to heal themselves, people who’ve sought “a way to be in this world” from the margins, and that literature, too, is a way to connect with the human condition. As a boy, he was drawn to both these passions by the stories of doctor-turned-writer Somerset Maugham.
Verghese, 53, began his medical education in Ethiopia, but fled in 1973 as civil unrest turned the country against both intellectuals and foreigners. He had witnessed so much brutality that when he reached New Jersey, where his parents and younger brother had settled a few years before, his only remaining life’s ambition was safety. He worked as a hospital orderly and assumed he’d live a blue-collar life.
One night, while working, Verghese found a copy of Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine on a table where a med student had left it. The book revived his calling. With the help of an aunt, he finished medical school in India, which took him in as a displaced person.
Medical training in Madras was “intense at the bedside every day,” Verghese recalls. “I loved it. Those Indian teachers were incredibly skilled. They’d identify all these diseases you’d never find in Western textbooks.” He watched them almost with a sense he was witnessing “wizardry.” He admired not just their ability to diagnose, but also the way they dealt with patients, “the gentleness of the way they taught us” and the love for medicine they conveyed. Many of the physical signs he was taught to notice at the bedside were named after great doctors of the past. His teachers were passing along a grand tradition, and he found himself “not wanting to break the chain.”
When it came time to do his residency, Verghese chose a newly fledged program in internal medicine at East Tennessee State University in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains. He chose internal medicine partly because he saw that foreign-trained students who wanted to be surgeons were recruited to the poorest American hospitals, worked around the clock, and rarely were promoted afterward by the top-ranked medical centers, places the students jokingly called “Mecca.”
Johnson City and the rural towns and hollers around it were a long way from any medical Mecca, but they turned out to be the opportunity of a lifetime for Verghese as both doctor and writer. People grew to depend on this foreign doctor with the brown face, slightly British diction and unplaceable accent. After a two-year fellowship in infectious diseases at Boston University, where he tried and disliked laboratory research, Verghese returned to Tennessee and joined the faculty, choosing to focus on caring for patients and teaching.
THAT’S WHERE HE FOUND HIMSELF in 1985, when young gay men began to return to their small towns and families to die. The HIV/AIDS clinic Verghese established saw more than 80 patients in five years, by which time Verghese felt burned out. It had been humbling. He’d been forced to give up what he called the physician’s “conceit of cure.” But though no one had a cure for the new disease, Verghese had found a lot to offer in the way of care—so much that he had little time to spare for his own family, which by then included a wife and two young sons, Jacob and Steven. He filled journals with his observations and his thoughts, and the details of his patients’ stories, in an attempt to learn as much about himself as about them. He thought he’d prepared himself for so much death. He hadn’t.
In a bold move, Verghese gave up his tenured position in Tennessee to attend the famous Writer’s Workshop at the University of Iowa. He realized later how hard that was on his family. “It was very selfish on my part. To me, it felt like survival.” A year and a half of intensive writing later, money running out, Verghese turned down several traditional academic positions that would have required him to chase grants and publish research papers. He took a clinical position instead—as professor of medicine and chief of infectious diseases at Texas Tech Health Sciences Center in El Paso. “I really liked the sense of being on the edge of America,” he explains. It was a “first world hospital—just barely—taking care of third world disease.” Without the pressure to do research, he wrote fiction.
After the New Yorker ran a short story based on his experiences in Tennessee, Verghese was offered a contract to write a memoir—one of the earliest books by a doctor working from the AIDS front line. He’d never considered writing nonfiction, but My Own Country: A Doctor’s Story of a Town and Its People in the Age of AIDS was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award in 1994. Director Mira Nair filmed it for Showtime TV. My Own Country was, another physician comments, “a really brave book.” His second was even braver. The Tennis Partner: A Doctor’s Story of Friendship and Loss, in 1998, described his bond with a medical resident in El Paso who died of drug addiction. The heavily autobiographical book interwove many themes: his passion for tennis, the failure of his first marriage, his enduring love of medicine in spite of the isolating effect it can have on its practitioners.
He attributes some blame for the appalling levels of suicide and drug abuse among doctors to this isolation. “Medicine is so beautiful, and yet it has its seamy underbelly,” Verghese says. “Most of us in medicine end up being far better doctors than fathers or husbands.” Although it’s his compassion—as well as his vivid and often lyrical writing—that wins praise, Verghese thinks what draws medical students to his work is that he exposes himself as a flawed human being rather than an all-knowing physician.
Verghese believes in the curative power of literature for physicians. Writing is a way to explore what they see every day and can’t share. Reading is a way for students to revive the empathy that gets lost in the process of medical training. Modern training “takes lovely people and converts them into bottom-line, somewhat cynical, disease-oriented people,” Verghese insists. “We teach them to convert into our language, which we need for diagnosis. We rob the story of everything human about it.” After a while: “Imagining suffering is a struggle. The danger is we begin to talk about the diabetic in bed three.” Literature, on the other hand, is full of suffering. He likes to teach his students Chekhov, and is apt to recite a poem off the top of his head by William Carlos Williams—two other writer/physicians.
Six years ago, Verghese created the Center for Medical Humanities & Ethics at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, one of an increasing number of programs—like Stanford’s arts, humanities and medicine program—that encourage medical students to explore the arts. He also worked on Cutting for Stone. The novel’s title plays on a phrase in the Hippocratic oath and the name of a central character, Thomas Stone. Stone is a surgeon who’s missing from much of the narrative, just as he’s missing from his twin sons’ lives: a symbol of the wounded doctor who distances himself from people even as his hands render miracles on the operating table. Much of the rich, sprawling story is set in Ethiopia at a mission hospital that the locals call Missing. It’s an ambitious book filled with characters who, in their different ways, reveal Verghese’s view of what medicine does best and worst. Some of its most powerful scenes occur at a decrepit hospital in the Bronx where a newly arrived foreign medical student assumes the helicopter pad on the roof represents the richly endowed American medicine he so envied from afar. But the landing pad exists so doctors from an elite medical center can touch down just long enough to harvest organs for transplant from the trauma patients who flood the inner-city emergency room.
Though Verghese is ambitious for his writing, medicine remains its source. “I’d love to practice medicine until my last day,” he says. There are other physicians who combine the two, of course: surgeons Atul Gawande, ’87, and Richard Selzer, and pediatrician Perri Klass. But there are more of those like novelist Ethan Canin, ’82, a Harvard Medical School graduate who found he had to choose. Canin, a friend who has been familiar with Verghese’s writings for years, says: “I’ve always been amazed at his ambition and attainment in both. Plenty of people are ambitious in both, but few—if any—have attained such distinction in the two fields at once.”
When Verghese received Stanford’s offer to return to teaching at the bedside, an offer that included time to write, plus tenure, it struck him that Stanford valued his books and essays as highly as research. The realization was “precious.”
ON A DAY IN AUGUST, as he walked down a corridor at Stanford’s medical center, Verghese gestured to a glass wall that looks onto a wildly colorful garden, a glorious riot of flowering plants that achieve their profusion with massive—and expensive—tending. “Mecca,” he laughed. As though he had to pinch himself.
Verghese wants Stanford students to see medicine as a historic calling the way he does. He wants them to see a patient not as a diseased liver or a spleen, but as a man or woman in a bad situation. Young doctors may be brilliant at analyzing tests, but he finds many “incompetent” at diagnosing and treating at the bedside. Verghese also wants students to understand that there’s a “huge therapeutic effect” in offering someone hopeful words. Especially, and only if true, the words: “I think you will get better.”
What Verghese seems to have tapped into, even in the scant year he’s been here, is a hunger not just from patients for doctors with a human touch, but also from doctors for the kind of satisfaction many no longer get from medicine. Verghese, who lives with his wife, Sylvia, and their 11-year-old son, Tristan, hosted a speaker’s evening with an expert on evidence-based physical diagnosis. A medical resident grew so enthusiastic about learning more on how various skin conditions might help her diagnose patients that she blurted: “We get to be doctors! Not just order tests!”
Lisa Shieh, an assistant professor who specializes in internal medicine and in-patient care, says she’s found a mentor in Verghese. After hearing him speak, she invited him to instruct second-year students how to take a history and conduct a physical exam. She also followed him on rounds like a student, to see how he interacted with patients and taught. “There’s just so much data now in medicine, and keeping that straight is very challenging. Sometimes with all the technology, the physical exam takes a back seat.”
Verghese is organizing a major conference on bedside medicine that will take place at Stanford next September. Department chair Horwitz sounds like a proud parent when he talks about his successful recruit: “I now live in the shadow of Abraham!” He notes that, instead of the eight or nine graduating students who typically choose a career in internal medicine over other specialties, this year 21 students out of 90 made that choice.
ONE TUESDAY as Verghese led students on weekly rounds, they entered a hospital room where an elderly woman lay moaning, her eyes closed, her mouth open. Her husband, wearing a blue baseball cap and an exhausted look, sat in a chair at the foot of her bed, eyes fixed on her face for any signs she might respond.
“Come closer, she won’t bite,” Verghese called to his students, who hung back by the door while he greeted the man in the cap. “He won’t bite either.”
Verghese examined the patient, ending by lifting her arms and noting the very different rate at which her hands drifted down the sheets. At the small hospital where she’d first been hospitalized, a central venous catheter had been placed in the course of treating her for a possible infection. In transferring her to Stanford, there had been talk of an exotic diagnosis. But Verghese’s exam suggested she had suffered a stroke. When questioned, her husband recalled that she had become confused on the afternoon when the catheter was inserted. Verghese postulated that event had triggered a “cascade of catastrophes”: a drop in pressure, along with her history of irregular heart rhythms, had caused a clot to break loose and disrupt blood flow to the brain.
Verghese explained his concern to the husband in understandable terms, and said that he hoped to have more news later after getting the results of a brain scan. He asked where the family was staying and whether they were comfortable.
In another room, a white-haired woman with pneumonia eyed the gaggle of students, interns and residents with bright-eyed good humor, even as her grown daughter immediately launched into a litany of complaints about the room and the hospital care. Verghese took these complaints for what they were: a caring daughter’s anxiety over her mother’s illness. He moved right up to his patient, put his hand on her thin wrist, percussed her back and listened to her chest with his stethoscope. He left his hand lightly resting on her arm. “There’s something very comforting about the human hand. That’s very nice,” the patient commented.
‘Modern training “takes lovely people and converts them into bottom-line, somewhat cynical, disease-oriented people”’
Verghese smiled. “I’m trying to teach them that,” he said, and turned to his students: “I always take a patient’s hand and then pulse.” He told the ill woman that she looked as if she’d been getting plenty of fluids.
“Oh, good,” she said, laughing, “keep me up!” She raised her arms to indicate he’d lifted her spirits. Her daughter continued to ask questions, but seemed more relaxed. Before leaving, Verghese told the woman in the bed not only that he’d like to send her home, but that she was lucky to have a daughter who took such good care of her.
Before rounds ended, the students gathered around Verghese in the hall and talked about a patient who seemed better but whose CT scan looked worrisome. Verghese reassured them that in this case they could trust their observations. He praised a nurse who stopped to ask about a patient. “That was good nursing care,” he said. “We appreciate that care.” He singled out an intern who’d received a compliment from a patient for smiling and being helpful in the emergency room the night before.
The students trooped after Verghese to radiology to look at the brain scans of the nonresponsive woman they saw earlier. Sure enough, the radiologist pointed out evidence of small bleeds in her brain.
When Verghese and one resident returned to give the husband this news, the man in the blue baseball cap was exactly where they’d left him, at the foot of his wife’s bed and staring at her face. Verghese explained that the MRI seemed to confirm his suspicion that she had suffered a series of small strokes. He would ask the neurologists for some help, Verghese said, but he thought there was a chance the man’s wife would gain back a good part of her function. “One day at a time,” he told the husband, who clung to each word as hard as he was grabbing onto Verghese’s hand. Each day would bring a little more information. Verghese took time to thank the man for describing how his wife became unresponsive, and said the information had played an important role in leading them to their diagnosis. In a way, Verghese had welcomed the husband to the team, and invited him to be part of her healing, even while delivering bad news.
On the walk back to his office—the official one at the department of medicine—Verghese once more expressed his amazement at where he, the perennial outsider, had landed. Directly in Mecca. The trade-off he made decades ago, to spend whatever time he didn’t spend at the bedside writing, brought him here. A career trajectory no one could dream, let alone plan.
At Stanford, Verghese started out feeling as if he didn’t fit in, even though he found everyone extremely welcoming. But then he walked out into the hospital and led his first rounds. He felt immediately at home at patients’ bedsides. That was the evening Verghese told his wife: not only did he feel comfortable at Stanford, he knew he had something to offer.
Men’s Group Psalm 145, February 4, 2009
Message from Dave from Men on the Path last week:
Sometimes God speaks to you subtly and other times He makes it obvious because He doesn’t want you to miss it. Sometimes it takes me a while to write these summaries because either I am not listening for God’s voice or He is being subtle and I just don’t realize it. Anyway, between Wednesday and this morning (Friday) God made it easy for me. I am attempting double duty this year. In addition to journaling by writing my letter to God each evening, last month I purchased a Daily Devotional where I read a passage of scripture and then it gives a few words as if they are being spoken by God. I do not know what to make of that yet. I am pretty rigid when to comes to religion and politics. I am working on it but I am not there by any means. I am sure I can find arguments for both sides; those that say it is okay and those that say it is blasphemy. In any event, I believe my answer came in the last few days and the answer is quite interesting. But before we get to that…
On Wednesday Robbie lead the Men of the Path session. We read Psalm 145 (please take some time and read it before going further – it will help – wish I could put the Final Jeopardy Theme in here so you could hear that music in the background as we pause 🙂 So now you know what we talked about, praising God. Psalm 145 is a song of praise; yes, praise, and lots of it. When you read that Psalm look at all of the words David uses for praising his Lord – great, mighty, majesty, power, awesome, righteous, good, compassion, and the list goes on. David certainly knew who his Lord and Savior was, didn’t he? How could David pour out such praise? Well, think of it this way; you cannot praise someone if you don’t have a relationship with them, can you? So that is where the praise begins, on your knees, spending alone time with Him and listening for His voice. It begins by acknowledging God for who He is and realizing it is about Him and not you. You must believe that God is a sovereign God and that God is good. You must submit to the fact that God knows best and that God’s word is the final authority in your life. We know from reading and journaling the Psalms during January that David knew these things. Believe me, it is one thing to write those words and another thing to live by them. I like what Jan Gilbert said at our table on Wednesday morning; “It is difficult for me to praise God in the bad times. For instance when I get a flat tire on the way to work, do I say “Yes, thank You, God?” No, I do not. Or, I may say it, but do I really mean it? No, probably not” Jan was being realistic, wasn’t he? Then Jan gave us another story about when God delayed a family travel plan. The outcome was amazing. I encourage you to ask Jan about it when you see him.
Okay, back to the devotional. Here are the “God speaking” parts from the last two days:
“Do not resist Me or harden your heart. I take no pleasure in the affliction of My children. In love, I chasten to prevent the deeper suffering involved should I allow you to go on in a path of evil. But My heart is glad when you walk close, with your hand in Mine, and we talk over the day’s journey and activities so it becomes a happy way that we travel in mutual fellowship. So, pour out your praise to Me from a light heart and I will plan your path and we will go singing.”
“Praise Me. Lift your heart in gratitude. In your sleeping and your waking hours, My hand of protection and blessing is upon you. I have built a hedge around you. Even as was written concerning Job. It was not a false accusation of the devil to Job. I removed it to silence the enemy of his soul. But for the multitudes I have never removed the hedge. I am keeping you, My child for one purpose in particular – that you may be able to accomplish the task committed to you.”
Amazing, isn’t it? Out of the 365 days and writings in that devotional; those writings come now. There are no coincidences, are there? It is clear to me; Praise Him, in good times and in bad. Having the abundant life means you are at peace during trials and tribulations. Remember, if there is anyone we can pray for (including you), Pathways has a great prayer team. Contact Armando Barrios atbrisamar999@yahoo.com.
Men’s Group: February 25, 2009 (Matthew 18:21-35)
Here is another great summary of Men’s Group by Dave:
This past Wednesday we studied the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) and how it relates to forgiveness. Please take a few minutes and read the passage. I suggest you do it when you have some quiet time because you will get more out of it if you can meditate on the scripture and write in a journal what God says to you about it. Robby taught on this lesson and he presented a very good question to us; why do we often think about forgiveness as being about the person that needs to be forgiven rather than the person doing the forgiving? Have you ever thought if you are in a position to forgive that it is about you, not the person you need to forgive? Cynthia and I used to facilitate a nationally recognized Christ centered divorce recovery program called DivorceCare (www.divorcecare.org). It is an incredible program. If you know of anyone who is divorced and they haven’t been through a program PLEASE tell them about DivorceCare. It does not matter how long they’ve been divorced; it will be the best advice you’ve ever given them. Encourage them to attend. Anyway, what I am leading into here is that there was an entire session spent on forgiveness. This lesson leads off with the statement; “It’s not what you eat, but what is eating you that will kill you.” How true; if we don’t find it in our hearts to truly forgive, we will harbor bitterness. That bitterness will come out at some point; most likely against someone we love and care for, someone who did nothing to hurt us. One thing to remember when talking about forgiveness; forgiveness is not reconciliation. It is not condoning a behavior and saying it is okay. Forgiveness is letting go, or setting down a load and not picking it up again. Reconciliation is restoring a relationship. You can forgive without condoning or reconciling. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. We may not feel like forgiving but we can and should decide to forgive. One last thing from that DivorceCare lesson; don’t expect or wait for an apology to forgive. In other words, don’t try to assume control by saying the person must answer to YOU. No, they must answer to GOD.
Now, back to our Wednesday discussion. Two lines really got to me in this parable. They were verses 29-30. Go back and read them. Can you imagine being the guy on your knees begging for forgiveness and the other “person” in the parable is God and He is telling you, “No, you are not forgiven?” Where would you be?
I asked a question in the beginning of this email about forgiving being more important to the person forgiving than the person in need of forgiveness. Forgiveness produces several great benefits for the forgiver. One is freedom. Forgiving gives the forgiver the freedom to move on. It is very healing because the situation no longer has power over the “wronged” person. If you are in a position to forgive and don’t, you could end up depressed, bitter and/or angry. All of those will eventually result in loneliness. Who wants to be around a person like that? Forgiveness produces healthier relationships. And, remember what Jesus told us in Matthew 6:14-15; “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” That is a pretty frightening statement, isn’t it? It is right there is black and white (or red in some bibles). I mean what happens if God doesn’t forgive you? Where do you end up?
Bruce Peotter said something I believe is a very helpful tip for those of you who are married. Each night before he and Kelly go to sleep, they talk about whether or not either of them said anything that hurt the other person and need to ask forgiveness for. Think about it. Rather than “addressing” the issue right then and there, which will almost always result in a heated conflict, you know you can save the situation for later when things have calmed down and talk about it rationally. Just knowing you have that in your back pocket can keep the person who was “wronged” in a better frame of mind. I think it is a great idea, don’t you?
How does one forgive? Well Francisco said that one best. You must first receive God’s forgiveness before you can truly forgive. Then, rather than struggling with it yourself; turn the matter over to God. Try something like, “Lord, make me willing to be willing to forgive because I am not there yet.” That will really set your heart on the right path. Some folks never really address their wrongs. They say over time they forget about it, that time heals all wounds. Well, from co-facilitating DivorceCare for almost two years I can honestly say, “Time does not heal all wounds. It covers them. Only Jesus can truly heal.
Well, I guess I made up for last week’s short email. Thank you for taking the time to read this. May God bless you and keep you.
Dave
Good Samaritan: What would YOU do?
Enjoy this brief story that challenges us as Christians to be the Good Samaritan in our culture. One of the reasons that Christianity is ‘dying out’ in our culture is because we talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. Here is an example where we as Christians could have chosen to show sacrificial love to those who don’t know God.
Please share your thoughts with us.
Vital Signs of HEALING
Please share your thoughts/insights after you listen to this teaching time and discussion on how to be better ‘wounded’ healers. (The movie clip that was shown was from the movie: The Horse Whisper.)
Married Life Live (MLL), Friday, March 6
Friday, March 6 from 6:30pm-8:30pm
The format for MLL is fun, informal, & interactive. We will eat together, watch movie clips, & talk about how we want to be heard & loved, & how we can have better intimacy & great marriages.
Dinner & Childcare Provided
Couples Meeting @ Matt & Susan Ingalls
(15 Paso Robles, Irvine, CA 92602)
Children Meeting @ Northpark Clubhouse
(10 Meadow Valley, Irvine, CA 92602)
*Children will eat together at the Clubhouse
Directions to Northpark Clubhouse:
Going North on Culver turn left onto Portola. Take the first left which is Gate Park. Tell the Guard that you are going to the Ingalls’ home and the Clubhouse. As you pull through the gate, the Clubhouse building will be directly in front of you and its parking lot is to the right.
To sign-up or for more information on MLL contact: Drew & Brooke Lawson
949.400.5216 or alawsonmd@gmail.com
Men’s Group: John 8:1-11 February 18, 2009
Summary from Dave:
On Wednesday morning we read the story of Jesus and the woman “caught” in adultery (John 8:1-11). Please take a few minutes and read it before you continue. And, as you read it consider your answers to these questions and record them in your journal:
Who do you relate to most in this story? Why?
What is the purpose of the “Law” in our lives?
Well, many of us agreed that the woman in the story (the adulterer) represents all of us. We are all sinners; no one is perfect, only God. And, it is a reminder that before we go around condemning others for their sins, we need to look at ourselves, because in God’s eyes, all sin is the same. An adulterer’s sin is not any greater than someone who cheats and lies in business or someone who views pornography. In other words, it doesn’t matter which commandment you break, they are all sins and they hurt the One who loves us. The grace that Jesus showed this woman is the same grace He shows us every minute of every day. And, when we repent, Jesus commands us to go and sin no more (that is the key – we must go to Jesus and repent). What I find interesting in this story is that Jesus tells the woman He does not condemn her but He does not tell her she is forgiven. If you have some thoughts on that please write me; I’d like to hear them.
To the Pharisees of Jesus’ day, the Law represented the truth. But Jesus turned the tables on them. He showed them they were no better in God’s eyes than this woman. The truth was, they were all sinners. None of them was capable of judging the woman; judgment is up to God, not us. We learned last Wednesday that the Law shows us the need for a Savior. Without Jesus we all fall short of the Law and none of us would make it to heaven. Have you thought about where you are on the grace/truth scale in your relationships? Many of us are slanted toward one or the other. Of course, Jesus was the perfect balance of grace and truth. Who gives the grace in your relationship and who is the person of truth? I know I am a man of truth. It is difficult for me to show grace; I want to ram truth down your throat. But, to counteract that, to temper my truth, God introduced me to Cynthia. If you saw my email last week you remember the grace Cynthia showed me. By pairing me with Cynthia God is showing the grace given to me. And, if you’ve gone on to the Uberlumen website (www.uberlumen.com) and listened to my testimony you know I do not deserve a woman of Cynthia’s caliber. Kind of like how we do not deserve the grace, mercy and forgiveness God gives us. God sure is good, isn’t He?.
Men’s Group: The Good Samaritan February 11, 2009
Then an expert in Moses’ Teachings stood up to test Jesus. He asked, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “What is written in Moses’ Teachings? What do you read there?” He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind.’ And ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.'” Jesus told him, “You’re right! Do this, and life will be yours.” But the man wanted to justify his question. So he asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “A man went from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way robbers stripped him, beat him, and left him for dead. “By chance, a priest was traveling along that road. When he saw the man, he went around him and continued on his way. Then a Levite came to that place. When he saw the man, he, too, went around him and continued on his way. “But a Samaritan, as he was traveling along, came across the man. When the Samaritan saw him, he felt sorry for the man, went to him, and cleaned and bandaged his wounds. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day the Samaritan took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. He told the innkeeper, ‘Take care of him. If you spend more than that, I’ll pay you on my return trip.’ “Of these three men, who do you think was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by robbers?” The expert said, “The one who was kind enough to help him.” Jesus told him, “Go and imitate his example!” (Luke 10:25-37 GW)
Who do you most identify with in this story and why?
Have you ever felt like or been the man on the street?
What are the barriers to helping the man on the street?
Have you ever been too busy to help someone?
Is our decision to help someone determined more by our character or by our circumstances?[1]
What can we do to better prepare ourselves to be a good neighbor?
How can we ‘go and imitate [the good Samaritan’s] example’? [2],[3]
[1] Darley, J. M., and Batson, C.D., “From Jerusalem to Jericho”: A study of Situational and Dispositional Variables in Helping Behavior”. JPSP, 1973, 27, 100-108.
[2] “God does not demand of me that I accomplish great things. He does demand of me that I strive for excellence in my relationships.”-Ted W. Engstrom, The Making of a Christian Leader, 81
[3] Luke 10:37
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How can we improve the Emergency Room Experience
This is a VERY informative interview by a patient who came into an emergency room with chest pain. We as care givers have a lot to learn.
- TELL our patients what we are doing; what are the tests we are doing for?
- UPDATE our patients periodically with results
- SEND them home with what we think they might have wrong and what we think they don’t have wrong
- DON’T take so long to discharge our patients….WAITING time is always stressful and agrevating to our patients
- LISTEN to our patients carefully and make sure that they can’t LISTEN in to our casual conversations
Near Death Experience #1: Cardiac Arrest while Awake?
Listen and enjoy and share with us your thoughts about this amazing medical case. I have NEVER seen anything like it in my career and neither has anyone that I know in medicine.
This is a story of a patient that I cared for whose heart stopped beating but continued intermittently to respond to us as we tried to get his heart to start beating again.
The term N.D.E. (Near Death Experiences) is somewhat of a misnomer. A truly N.D.E. is when a patient is declared brain dead and comes back to tell of their experiences. This is a case of a N.D.E. in which the patient was not declared brain dead but was clinically dead-no heart beat.
BTW-A GREAT book on the topic of N.D.E. and the notion of humans having a brain and a mind–being material and immaterial–also known as substance dualism is Beyond Death by J.P. Moreland and Gary Habermas.
Near Death Experience #1: Nurses perspective
Listen and enjoy and share with us your thoughts about this amazing medical case. I have NEVER seen anything like it in my career and neither has anyone that I know in medicine. Listen to the nurses and their perspective of the case.
This is a story of a patient that I cared for whose heart stopped beating but continued intermittently to respond to us as we tried to get his heart to start beating again.