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Mother’s Day Advice on Parenting

Uberlumen has been lacking parenting content.  This is a lecture from a panel of mom’s on mother’s day.  They have incredible wisdom and insights into parenting.  Here are a few points:

  • Thankfulness is the password into God’s presence
  • Our family of origin has SO MUCH influence on who we become
  • Christ can heal our family of origin wounds
  • Our marriages shape our children’s character

Please share with us your thoughts and learnings after you listen to these amazing women share their lives and parenting wisdom.

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Men’s Group: Fellowship from Calvary Road, May 13, 2009

The progression of the chapters in Calvary Road is significant.  We started with brokenness, then went to confession/cleaning our lives (cups) up so we can fill them with the Holy Spirit, and now we turn to fellowship.

Years ago I kept secrets from my wife, and one day I finally ‘confessed’ and ‘cleaned’ out ALL the skeletons in my closet (cup).  It was a scary, crazy, and bold move that kept us up talking until 3am.  I was scared of her not forgiving me and not understanding me.  She did both.

Shortly after my cup was clean 2 things happened.  My marriage went from great to amazing.  The comfort in KNOWING that there was nothing to hide freed us up to have a depth and peace and intimacy that I would have never dreamed of.  

The second thing that happened is that I learned to share my dirty cup with other men.  I found several men who were willing and that I felt save enough with to share my deepest fears and struggles.  I talk and meet with these men weekly.  This has transformed my relationship with my wife, with Christ, and with everyone around me.  A very large weight has been lifted from my soul, and I have a place to run and hide when things get overwhelming.

Hession in chapter 3-The Way of Fellowship outlines the importance of fellowship in shaping our lives and our relationships with our spouses, our friends, and our God.

Through the years, I have continued to try and coach and encourage other men to ‘date’ each other.  There is a richness to life that is sorely lacking without this process.  But it takes men SO LONG and most NEVER are able or willing to get there.  

The only way to do it is by finding a guy that you feel comfortable with and you take a few baby steps by sharing some private struggles or sins.  See how they respond, If they respond in kind and with understanding then dig deeper and continue to share more.  As you trust more and learn to share more, you will find that your marriage is better, your walk with Christ is deeper, and your life is richer.

Any questions?

Calvary Road, Chapter 3, Fellowship quotes:

But if we have not been brought into vital fellowship with our brother, it is a proof that to that extent we have not been brought into vital fellowship with God
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Sin always involves us in being unreal, pretending, duplicity, window dressing, excusing ourselves and blaming others–and we can do all that as much by our silence as by saying or doing something.
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The only basis for real fellowship with God and man is to live out in the open with both.
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Spurgeon defines it in one of his sermons as “the willingness to know and be known.”
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We must be willing not only to know, but to be known by him for what we really are. That means we are not going to hide our inner selves from those with whom we ought to be in fellowship; we are not going to window dress and put on appearances; nor are we going to whitewash and excuse ourselves. We are going to be honest about ourselves with them. We are willing to give up our spiritual privacy, pocket our pride and risk our reputations for the sake of being open and transparent with our brethren in Christ.
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We have not necessarily got to tell everybody everything about ourselves. The fundamental thing is our attitude of walking in the light, rather than the act. Are we willing to be in the open with our brother–and be so in word when God tells us to?
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When the barriers are down and the masks are off, God has a chance of making us really one. But there is also the added joy of knowing that in such a fellowship we are “safe.”
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Jesus wants you to begin walking in the light with Him in a new way today. Join with one other–your Christian friend, the person you live with, your wife, your husband. Drop the mask.

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911 Interview: May we NEVER forget

This is a POWERFUL 17 minute interview with Rebecca who lived through 911.  I hope that this will add to the memoirs so that we will NEVER forget this horrific day in history.  It is important to remember the hero’s.

We talked after the interview and she mentioned a few more powerful experiences:

  • equipment-they would try and retrieve fire equipment, and she was not sure why they wanted all this stuff.  It turned out that they would get skin for DNA testing off of the equipment to help identify the location of the firemen that were missing/killed.
  • smell-even today she has a hard time with the smell.  she couldn’t describe the smell but it has been so etched into her heart and mind that just asking her about it brought deep emotions.
  • crowds-she remembered that months later as she would drive up to work at ground zero there were people lined up on the streets cheering for all the volunteers.  she would comment to her friends; please go home and go one with your lives.

Included below are VERY graphic and moving photos of that fateful day. Help us all NEVER to forget the ability of all of us to do horrible things to each other,  help us to bend a knee and love one another and may we never forget the hero’s of that day.

2 books on the topic:

102 Minutes

Last Man Standing

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Flu Update: What we know and what we don’t

“Influenza virus has only eight genes. The molecular structure of the most important proteins they code for is known in intimate detail. The coming and going of its epidemics have been studied by statisticians continually since the 1840s. But predicting pandemics remains a fools’ game. It falls into the category of Alvin Weinberg’s ‘trans-science’ – a question of fact that can be stated in the language of science but is unanswerable by it. Weinberg’s examples focused on the impossibility of predicting the probability of extremely improbable events. There have only been three influenza pandemics in the last century: in 1918, 1957 and 1964. The uncertainty is massively amplified by evolution – the random and frequent genetic mutations and the swapping of genes between bird, pig and human viruses….” read more from this great summary…

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Part 5: Can the resurrection show us God?

This is the 5th of 5 lectures/sermons in the Show me God series.  This was taught by Bucky on Easter Sunday.  It points out the importance and power of the resurrection.  As Paul said, “If Christ hasn’t come back to life, our message has no meaning and your faith also has no meaning.” (1Co 15:14 GW)

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Married Life Live, Session 2: Only Jesus can heal wounds.

Enjoy the notes and the brief audio teaching from our second Married Life Live session.
MEN’s ANSWERS:
What is your wound?
  • performance wound
  • not enough wound
  • distand dad and/or mom
  • not sensitive (family of origin-distant-did not express feelings)
  • non-emotional-grow up afraid of emotions/expression of emotions
  • self sufficient wound (can do life on own)
How does your wife help that wound?
  • acts of service
  • words of affirmation
  • touch
  • quality time
  • gifts
What role does Jesus play in your marriage?
  • put Jesus first–then marriage will follow
  • let Him rule, submit to Him otherwise it doesn’t work
  • Jesus is the glue.
  • example of forgiveness & grace
  • unconditional
  • grow closer to Him by prayer, reading Bible, fellowship
WOMEN’S ANSWERS:
What is your wound?
  • avoid conflict
  • perfection
  • inadequate
  • feeling valued/desirable
  • not loved
  • lack confidence
  • favoritism/suppressed feelings
How does your husband hurt that wound?  
  • expectation
  • criticism: this is a BIG one.  It is NEVER worth it! You WILL NOT change him/her by criticism.
  • trying to fix a problem
  • feeling not valued or under valued and undesirable
How does your husband help that wound?
  • open and share
  • healthy disagreement
  • acceptance
  • speaking truth
  • gentleness
  • support/encoragement
  • perspective
What role does Jesus play in your marriage?
  • unconditional love
  • Jesus loves us/rejoices in us
*KEY is to identify the wounds/issue because that helps to heal, recognize when they pop up, and focus on Christ to heal them.  Spouse can’t fix/heal the wound, but we can minister to the wound as Jesus heals it.
*CRITICISM:  It is NEVER worth it! You WILL NOT change him/her by criticism. My wife used to try this–ex. ‘you really should…find some friends that would be good for you etc…only when she gave up the criticism and started to pray did I start to make some of the changes that she desired.  We have to remember that criticism is painful, counter productive, and never works to change us so DON’T DO IT.  Love him/her just the way they are!
*DON’T try and fix it…it is usually the husband who wants to ‘fix’ the problem but whoever it is DON’T do it.  LISTEN and only fix if asked to.
*AFFIRM, AFFIRM, AFFIRM: in all discussions/arguments, lead with affirmation and don’t stonewall or run away…meet the problem head on by talking and listening.  A woman who stonewalls or runs from conflict with a husband who is from a stoic or non-emotional upbringing is very hurtful.  A man from such a family of origin needs empathy and support not stonewalling.
*Allow Jesus to delight in YOU!
“…the LORD takes delight in his people…”-Psalm 149:4.
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Flu Update: Mortality and Morbidity of Swine Flu

Summary:

Mortality rate (as I suspected) based on true Mexico numbers is less than 1% (11932 cases with 42 deaths).

Age most affected remains 5-40 years old

Overall this is a mild illness but hope and pray that a second wave doesn’t occur or is just as mild.  I am hopeful that gov et al will start production of vaccine for this fall.

Questions?

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In the beginning was the Word…

John wrote these profound words to start his gospel.  Do words have power? Do words have more importance than we realize?  John was clearly stating to his audience that Jesus was God and that He was the Word which in Greek is logos (where we get the word logic in English).

I have come across something very interesting and if true, very powerful.  If this is true and accurate, it implies that the very fabric of the universe is ‘powered’ by the Word.

There is a man who has played music and taped words written on paper to glasses of water and then photographed the water molecules (scroll down on this website to read an interview of him).  The water molecules seem to change after being ‘spoken’ to.  What is the skeptics response to this? Please share with us if you have any thoughts.

“After seeing water react to different environmental conditions, pollution and music, Mr. Emoto and colleagues decided to see how thoughts and words affected the formation of untreated, distilled, water crystals, using words typed onto paper by a word processor and taped on glass bottles overnight. The same procedure was performed using the names of deceased persons. The waters were then frozen and photographed.”

Before and After Prayer

Love'you make me sick'

The image on the left is from the word: LOVE on the water glass.  The image on the right is from the words: ‘you make me sick’ on the water glass….hmmm……

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Men’s Group: May 6, 2009 Filling the Cup

We discussed chapter 2 of Calvary Road today.  It discusses the importance of brokenness and confession in our lives so that we are willing and ready to be filled by the Holy Spirit to ‘spill out’ the spirit of God onto others around us.  The exercise of brokenness and confession helps for us to get out of the way so God can drive/lead.  

Francisco shared what “personal and daily revival” means to him:

“Jesus is waiting for me when I get up.”  

What would the world be like if followers of Jesus lived like this?  Imagine if you lived a life of anticipation and joy knowing that as soon as you opened your eyes every morning, Jesus was there smiling and waiting for you!  Take away the worry and anxiety and all the stuff packed into our minds, and start each day as an adventure with Jesus.

Quotes from Calvary Road:

“Revival itself is being absolutely filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit, and that is victorious living.”

“If we were asked this moment if we were filled with the Holy Spirit, how many of us would dare to answer “yes”? Revival is when we can say “yes” at any moment of the day.”

“People imagine that dying to self makes one miserable. But it just the opposite. It is the refusal to die to self that makes one miserable. The more we know of death with Him, the more we shall know of His life in us, and so the more of real peace and joy.”
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Flu Update

It appears that even though this virus is affecting young people that they mortality rate in Mexico was tied to poverty and delay in care, and as I have always said, it is also related to unreported number of cases.

The CDC has told schools not to close likely because of the mild illnesses the virus is causing.

There are now 2 reported deaths due to the virus in the U.S., but it turns out that both were in young people who had chronic medical conditions.

Finally, the move to level 6 by officials would not come as a surprise.  If you look at the definition of pandemic, it is a new, highly infectious agent that has crossed all geographic boundaries (don’t quote me on that just check CDC or WHO website).  Calling it a full blown pandemic only means that it has spread globally, it is about geography not how virulant/dangerous/deadly the virus is.

I hope this will burn itself out and continue to be a mild virus, but officials are concerned that this is just the first wave.  Hopefully if there is a second wave, it is in the fall and a vaccine will provide some immunity.

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Flu Update

This is a great review of our current situation. This strain so far seems to be similar to seasonal varieties in fact maybe even more mild seeing as the seasonal flu kills 1,000’s of people every year.  The mortality rate in Mexico vs. U.S. et al remains unaccounted for although likely will find it is just a matter of not having all the numbers of patients who got the flu but recovered without testing.

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Flu Update

So the swine flu is continuing to spread.  The concerns continue to be:

  1. The mortality rate 
  2. The age of the victims.

The WHO has stated that the initial mortality numbers from Mexico were not correct so they have been dramatically adjusted.  The mortality rate seems to be confirmed at 19 of 506 cases in Mexico or a rate of 3%, and if you use the suspected numbers the mortality rate is less than 2%.  This still seems high to me, and I continue to suspect that the mortality rate is lower but we just don’t have all the data.

The age of the people contracting the disease seems to be young.  In the U.S. the average age has been 17.  I did read today that there were at least 4 deaths in Mexico over age 60, but the most accurate numbers are probably from the MMWR.

The Associated Press said yesterday:

“Epidemiologist Pablo Kuri, an adviser to Mexico’s health secretary, gave a brief survey of the 16 confirmed swine flu fatalities in that country to The Associated Press. They include four males and 12 females. Three children died — a 9-year-old girl, a 12-year-old girl and a 13-year-old boy. Four were older than 60, the oldest 68.

The other nine fatalities were between 21 and 39 — unusual ages for people to die of the flu, because they tend to have stronger immune systems.

People sickened in the U.S. range in age from 1 to 81, but most are younger than 20, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”

Associated Press said today: “Mexican Health Secretary Jose Angel Cordova said the virus that has killed 19 people in Mexico and sickened at least 506 apparently peaked here between April 23 and April 28. A drastic nationwide shutdown appears to have helped prevent the outbreak from becoming more serious, he said.

“The evolution of the epidemic is now in its declining phase,” Cordova declared.

He said officials would decide Monday whether to extend the shutdown or allow schools and businesses to reopen on Wednesday.

Pablo Kuri, an epidemiologist advising Cordova, told The Associated Press on Sunday that tests have confirmed a swine flu death in Mexico City on April 11, two days earlier than what had been believed to be the first death.

He also said there have been no deaths among health care workers treating swine flu patients in Mexico, an indication that the virus may not be as contagious or virulent as initially feared.”

We must continue to pray that the mortality numbers will be comparable to the seasonal flu (<1%) and that deaths will not be in the prime of life.

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Flu Update: Fear not!

Here is a great challenge for those of us anxious Christians:  Faith and Healing: H1N1

“…And what of people of faith? This may be the time that we care called not simply to pray for healing, but to be vehicles of it. It may be our turn to embrace the leper. It may be a lot of things. It is time for us to be a calming presence around those around us so that fear does not carry the day. Remember that God’s messengers in Scripture always greet their mortal hosts with these words, “Fear not!”

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Did you know? The early church had a choice not to be persecuted.

In Mike Erre’s newest book: Death by Church he points out that the early church had a choice not to undergo persection.  “…if the early church had wanted itself and its purpose to be construed in privatistic and individualistic terms, there were abundant cultal and legal resources at hand for them to do just that.  The early church could have easily escaped Roman persecution by suing for status as a cultus privatus, or ‘private cult’ dedicated to ‘the pursuit of a purely personal and otherworldly salvation for its members’ like many other religious groups in that world.  yet instead of adopting the language of the privatized mystery religions, the church confronted Caesar, not exactly on his own terms but with his own terms.”-Clapp, Peculiar People, pg 81

This is amazing.  The early church chose to rebel and go defiantly up against Caesar because of their confidence and faith that Christ was the only true king!

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Flu Update: Much uncertainty still remains

Associated Press most current review of Q and A regarding the flu

The L.A. Times yesterday (April 30, 2009) has a very encouraging article pointing out that the genetic sequence of this flu has been studied and appears to be less worrisome than previous thought.

Another encouraging summary from a layperson’s blog that I am hopeful is going to be the scenerio that pans out in the end.  It seems that I am finding more ‘no big deal’ articles than worry ones.  I think that the truth lies somewhere in between.

Hand washing is key.  Some report that the flu spreads more from contact than from the air:

“2.4 Evidence for the Mode of Influenza Transmission 

 Organisms, especially respiratory viruses expelled in large droplets, remain viable in droplets that settle on objects in the immediate environment of the patient.  Both influenza A and B viruses have been shown to survive on hard, non-porous surfaces for 24-48 hours, on cloth paper and tissue for 8-12 hours and on hands for 5 minutes8.  The virus survives better at the low relative humidity encountered during winter in temperate zones.  Contact with respiratory secretions and large droplets, appears to account for most transmissions of influenza.  In a report of an outbreak in a nursing home, the pattern of spread was suggestive of contact rather than airborne transmission because patients who were tube fed or required frequent suctioning had higher infection rates than those who did not require such care.  Whether or not influenza is naturally transmitted by the airborne route is controversial.  An outbreak of influenza on an airliner has been attributed to airborne spread; however, large droplet spread could have been responsible because the passengers were crowded together and moved about for several hours in a small, grounded airplane9.   Although experimental airborne transmission of influenza A virus to mice has been reported, there is no evidence of such transmission in humans.”

And finally, here is a good summary article about the theories concerning why Mexico seems to have such a high mortality rate: Answer–unreported cases are probably MUCH higher so the 6% number is much lower?

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Men’s Group: April 29, 2009 Brokenness, Calvary Road

I discovered during last Wednesday’s Men of the Path that Drew is not the only expert on the book, Calvary Road.  Our Pastoral Care Minister, Monty Pries, taught on Chapter One, which is titled, “Brokenness.”  Monty hooks you right away with saying, “This book begins with brokenness, but we don’t.  We begin with pride/ego; we want to accomplish our will, not God’s will for us.”  Coming from the East Coast I can totally relate.  See, in the good old NE, Frank Sinatra is still king in many people’s eyes.  It is amazing how many times you will hear the song, “I Did It My Way” proudly sung.  Many of us know, however, that Frank eliminated the part that says, “Yeah, and look where it got me.”  Which brings me to Monty’s second point; there are two types of brokenness.  One is voluntary, where you choose humility on your own, and the second is involuntary.  Involuntary is where God chooses humility for you; He puts you in the refiner’s fire, and does a very thorough job of it.  Of course, many of you know I waited for God to refine me as I was too busy doing it “my way.”  For those of you that don’t know, “my way” landed me in the best place to not only find God but learn submission – prison.   If you go to www.uberlumen.com, you can hear my testimony, and find a lot of other great stuff. 

We had some great discussion around the tables.  Our table opened with a few words about revival.  A revival is an individual process that takes place in your heart.  It does not have to be the big event we usually imagine when the word revival is mentioned.  We talked about the four desires of the unbroken heart; unyielding, seeking one’s own glory, standing up for one’s own rights and justifying oneself.   {A question – do you need all four to have an unbroken heart?  Please go to uberlumen and ask Drew to post your answer. }  If you have been in a place of brokenness you know what it means to cry out to God, and you also know that if you were sincere in your plea, God got you through it.  Hession puts it this way in his book; “pride at last bows its head to God’s will, admits its wrong, gives up its own way to Jesus, surrenders it rights and discards its own glory-that the Lord Jesus might have all and be all.  In other words, it is dying to self and self attitudes.”  Can you think of a situation where this happened in your life (or is happening now)?  Did you yield to God and His desire to correct your path, or did you exercise your free will and stiffen your neck and refuse to repent?  On thing about dying to self – it is a constant process – every day, several times per day. Bucky sat at our table and asked, “What are you doing each day as a reminder of dying to yourself?”

I will end with one last question for those who could not attend.  Monty talked about the retreat he was on last weekend.  During that time he spoke about entering through a “monk’s door.”  With using any search engines, can you tell me what a monk’s door is and what it’s purpose is?  I’d love to hear from you.

See you next Wednesday morning at the Northpark clubhouse.  This is an EXCELLENT series; please don’t miss it.   Even if you went through it at Mariner’s; we are a different group of people.  You never know what you may learn, or how God will use your knowledge to help someone else.  Remember, EVERY encounter you have with someone either gives life or drains life.  Which do you usually do?

Dave