The progression of the chapters in Calvary Road is significant. We started with brokenness, then went to confession/cleaning our lives (cups) up so we can fill them with the Holy Spirit, and now we turn to fellowship.
Years ago I kept secrets from my wife, and one day I finally ‘confessed’ and ‘cleaned’ out ALL the skeletons in my closet (cup). It was a scary, crazy, and bold move that kept us up talking until 3am. I was scared of her not forgiving me and not understanding me. She did both.
Shortly after my cup was clean 2 things happened. My marriage went from great to amazing. The comfort in KNOWING that there was nothing to hide freed us up to have a depth and peace and intimacy that I would have never dreamed of.
The second thing that happened is that I learned to share my dirty cup with other men. I found several men who were willing and that I felt save enough with to share my deepest fears and struggles. I talk and meet with these men weekly. This has transformed my relationship with my wife, with Christ, and with everyone around me. A very large weight has been lifted from my soul, and I have a place to run and hide when things get overwhelming.
Hession in chapter 3-The Way of Fellowship outlines the importance of fellowship in shaping our lives and our relationships with our spouses, our friends, and our God.
Through the years, I have continued to try and coach and encourage other men to ‘date’ each other. There is a richness to life that is sorely lacking without this process. But it takes men SO LONG and most NEVER are able or willing to get there.
The only way to do it is by finding a guy that you feel comfortable with and you take a few baby steps by sharing some private struggles or sins. See how they respond, If they respond in kind and with understanding then dig deeper and continue to share more. As you trust more and learn to share more, you will find that your marriage is better, your walk with Christ is deeper, and your life is richer.
Any questions?
Calvary Road, Chapter 3, Fellowship quotes:
But if we have not been brought into vital fellowship with our brother, it is a proof that to that extent we have not been brought into vital fellowship with God
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Sin always involves us in being unreal, pretending, duplicity, window dressing, excusing ourselves and blaming others–and we can do all that as much by our silence as by saying or doing something.
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The only basis for real fellowship with God and man is to live out in the open with both.
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Spurgeon defines it in one of his sermons as “the willingness to know and be known.”
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We must be willing not only to know, but to be known by him for what we really are. That means we are not going to hide our inner selves from those with whom we ought to be in fellowship; we are not going to window dress and put on appearances; nor are we going to whitewash and excuse ourselves. We are going to be honest about ourselves with them. We are willing to give up our spiritual privacy, pocket our pride and risk our reputations for the sake of being open and transparent with our brethren in Christ.
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We have not necessarily got to tell everybody everything about ourselves. The fundamental thing is our attitude of walking in the light, rather than the act. Are we willing to be in the open with our brother–and be so in word when God tells us to?
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When the barriers are down and the masks are off, God has a chance of making us really one. But there is also the added joy of knowing that in such a fellowship we are “safe.”
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Jesus wants you to begin walking in the light with Him in a new way today. Join with one other–your Christian friend, the person you live with, your wife, your husband. Drop the mask.
I just finished reading this book for the second time….in between reading it the first time and reading the second time God has been showing me my heart and doing heart surgery….this book has been amazing in rewealing the stuff God has been teaching me for the past year. This book is probably my favorite book of all time. It cuts to the chase and really deals with what matters most to God….your heart.
I am thankful that you men have each other….it is so rare in our times.
Thanks for the recomendation Andrew! I started the book about 1am last night, couldn’t put it down and fell asleep reading, I had to back track a few pages this morning due to the fog of falling asleep, but finished it today. Amazing book! Thanks again!
Men of the Path
May 13, 2009 Fellowship
You all know we are covering the book, The Calvary Road by Ron Hession. And, it appears so far we are taking it chapter by chapter. So, if last week we covered chapter two, then it was on to three today (Wednesday). Today, Robby Cavinder, our Children’s and Youth Pastor led us on the subject of fellowship (Chapter 3: The Way of Fellowship). I certainly hope by now that you’ve been to at least one of the last four meeting and got a copy of the book so you can follow along, even if you cannot attend each week. I like the fact that we are blessed to have Robby’s wisdom be imparted to us. If you haven’t heard Robby speak, you are missing out. Just because he is the youngest in the group doesn’t mean we can’t learn from him. God doesn’t look at age; he looks at the heart; Robby shares with a genuine transparency. He has taught me quite a bit. Here are a couple of today’s tidbits:
We all need a right relationship with others before we can have a right relationship with God.
Fellowship is not just knowing others but having them know you – the REAL you. Transparency is critical for a right relationship – not the typical small talk about sports or the standard answer of “great” to the “How are you doing” question.
Out of the six questions we had, here are a few for you to ponder:
What is the biggest barrier for you when it comes to fellowship?
Time, other priorities, listening, judgmental, fear of being judged/rejected, fear of intimacy.
How do you relate to the definition of sin as given by the author (“sin always involves us in being unreal, pretending, duplicity, window dressing, excusing ourselves and blaming others”)? Aren’t you at least one of those with at least one person in your daily life?
Anything that comes between you and God is sin. We must feel comfortable in order to share with authenticity. Opposite of blaming others is accepting responsibility.
What would it take to for you to have authentic fellowship with other men?
For me, personally, duct tape (I talk more than I listen).
How can we pray for you?
For me, personally, I am going to the Bay area this weekend. I will be seeing my friend, Art and his parents. They are Jewish. Art’s parents have not seen me in 9 or 10 years so they do not know the re-born me. I am looking for ways to let Christ’s light shine without being overbearing. One suggestion was I talk about Psalm 22.
Please think about your answers and write them in your journal. If you are on this list and you do not get to come to Men of the Path it would be great to hear from you. You do not have to email me; what I would prefer is that you logon to http://www.uberlumen.com and give your comments to Drew (want to take a BIG step; how about asking Drew to post how we can pray for you?). While there, peruse the site; Drew has a lot of great information on it. You will not be disappointed. And, as in any relationship, this “one-way” conversation can be improved by your participation. If you want to know what we talked about, I will be sending some answers from our session directly to Drew so he can post them on Uberlumen. Thanks in advance from going to bystander to participant.
Your brother,
Dave
Those are among the most significant words you’ve ever written…What a warrior you are…Thanks for keeping me sharpened.