Judge NOT & love and understand as Jesus would (Matthew 7:1)

As I write this I am STILL recovering from the tongue lashing that I got from a patients wife yesterday.  We were having a congenial discussion about her spouse (the patient), and as I prepared to write orders and discuss the possible diagnoses, she went OFF.  I mentioned that his chronic abdominal cramps may, in the end (IF all the tests continue to come back negative) be entirely from stress.  Well she did NOT like that option at ALL.  “Don’t tell me it is stress! It is NOT stress! I KNOW it is not stress.  There is something wrong with him. That is what the other doctors said….”  She proceeded to sware at me for a good solid 2 minutes which seemed like a lifetime.  I was so frustrated and mad! I just finished a great book on how to be a better doctor, and I continue to try and improve my doctor skills.  In the book that I had just read, the author spoke about what a disservice doctors have done by just ordering more and more tests without getting at the heart of the matter and just talking with the patient.  It is SO frustrating to try to spend the time and show compassion and try and educate the patient to get spit in the face for it.  When you see over and over again that the patient is NOT interested in hearing what you have to say then you become hardened and numb and just give them what they want even if it is not necessary or the best treatment option!

After this very stressful situation, I found from the patients primary doctor that his wife has ‘gone off’ on him many times in the past, but that she is a professing Christian.  Now I was even more frustrated and angry.  I SO wanted to go back in to tell her how angry I am at her behavior.  How dare she act like that and claim to worship my precious Savior.

Now this is where the healing, the importance of fellowship, and the lessons were learned comes in.  I talked it over with one of my colleagues who is a believer.  And he challenged me to not judge her in that way.  OUCH!

He said: 1. just think how tough she would be without Christ and most importantly 2. you have never acted that way??? really never??? we are ALL like this at some time in our lives.  You MUST consider HER situation.  She is frustrated; she is scared; she has been dealing with this without any answers for months….WOW!

Now a day later, I see that God was teaching me a powerful review lesson on forgiveness, understanding, judgment, compassion, love, AND that I MUST continue to strive to love and go against the grain–and communicate with my patients with MORE compassion and understanding!

How simple is the Christian walk of faith?

Here is a marvelous quote from 2 Christian missionaries who live in Africa about the Christian walk.

“Loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength will take you to the end of yourself, and you will find yourself looking out over a precipice. Only God can keep you from falling. Only faith working through love counts. Let’s never leave the simplicity and purity of devotion to Jesus. All we know when the pressure becomes great is Jesus and Him crucified. We exist by the power of the Cross, safe and secure.”-Rolland and Heidi

Kingdom Living: Listen & Look for God moments

In Mike Erre’s newest book: Death by Church, he has an important chapter titled: Postures of Incarnation.  We need to show the world the incarnation through out actions.  We need to prayerfully watch and listen for the God moments–those moments every day where God is nudging us to show his love to others.

“I used to hate interuptions to my ministry until I understood that interruptions were my ministry.”-Henri Nouwen

Sex, Marriage, Intimacy and Screwtape Letters: chapters 18-19

Key Scriptures:
Genesis 2:25, Ephesians 5:25, 1 John 4:18
Key Teaching points:
Sex is a spiritual discipline
Brokenness
Confession
Cross
Key Quote:
“Submit to my wife’s version of intimacy.”
Key Quotes from The Love Dare:
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
– Highlight Loc. 42-46 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:03 AM

The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse to be the person you want them to be. You’ve no doubt already discovered that efforts to change your husband or wife have ended in failure and frustration. Rather, this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
– Highlight Loc. 930-35 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:10 AM

Yet this great blessing is also the site of its greatest danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover from. It’s both the fire and the fear of marriage. Which of these are you experiencing the most in your home right now? Are the secrets your spouse knows about you reasons for shame, or reasons for drawing you closer? If your spouse were to answer this same question, would they say you make them feel safe, or scared? If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
– Highlight Loc. 938-47 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:12 AM

The Bible says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). The atmosphere in your marriage should be one of freedom. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, your closeness should only intensify your intimacy. Being “naked” and “not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25) should exist in the same sentence, right in your marriage?physically and emotionally. Admittedly, this is tender territory. Marriage has unloaded another person’s baggage into your life, and yours into theirs. Both of you have reason to feel embarrassed that this much has been revealed about you to another living soul. But this is your opportunity to wrap all this private information about them in the protective embrace of your love, and promise to be the one who can best help him or her deal with it. Some of these secrets may need correcting. Therefore, you can be an agent of healing and repair?not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support. Some of these secrets just need to be accepted. They are part of this person’s make-up and history. And though these issues may not be very pleasant to deal with, they will always require a gentle touch.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
– Highlight Loc. 953-55 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:13 AM

(Psalm 139:2?4). And yet God, who knows secrets about us that we even hide from ourselves, loves us at a depth we cannot begin to fathom. How much more should we?as imperfect people?reach out to our spouse in grace and understanding, accepting them for who they are and assuring them that their secrets are safe with us?
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
– Highlight Loc. 1689-90 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:15 AM

Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
– Highlight Loc. 1699-1701 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:16 AM

This same oneness is a hallmark of every marriage. In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other in an expression of love that no other form of communication can match. That’s why “the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.
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Journal Time:
What would you want your wife to know about you and sex and intimacy?
What are some ways that you can show your wife that you love her?
Is your marriage both physically and emotionally in line with Genesis 2:25 image of marriage? why or why not?  How can you make it that way?
Group Time:
Is marriage only good when you are ‘in love’?  Can we fall ‘in’ and ‘out’ of love? explain.
“…persuading the humans that a curious, and usually shortlived, experience which they call ‘being in love’ is the only respectable ground for marriage…”
How can we keep the ‘excitement permanent’?
“…that marriage can, and ought to, render this excitement permanent; and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding…”
Is marriage about happiness or holiness? explain.
“…Now comes the joke. The Enemy described a married couple as ‘one flesh’. He did not say ‘a happily married couple’ or ‘a couple who married because they were in love’, but you can make the humans ignore that….humans can be made to infer the false belief that the blend of affection, fear, and desire which they call ‘being in love’ is the only thing that makes marriage either happy or holy…”  (see 1 John 4:18)

Men’s Group: Fellowship from Calvary Road, May 13, 2009

The progression of the chapters in Calvary Road is significant.  We started with brokenness, then went to confession/cleaning our lives (cups) up so we can fill them with the Holy Spirit, and now we turn to fellowship.

Years ago I kept secrets from my wife, and one day I finally ‘confessed’ and ‘cleaned’ out ALL the skeletons in my closet (cup).  It was a scary, crazy, and bold move that kept us up talking until 3am.  I was scared of her not forgiving me and not understanding me.  She did both.

Shortly after my cup was clean 2 things happened.  My marriage went from great to amazing.  The comfort in KNOWING that there was nothing to hide freed us up to have a depth and peace and intimacy that I would have never dreamed of.  

The second thing that happened is that I learned to share my dirty cup with other men.  I found several men who were willing and that I felt save enough with to share my deepest fears and struggles.  I talk and meet with these men weekly.  This has transformed my relationship with my wife, with Christ, and with everyone around me.  A very large weight has been lifted from my soul, and I have a place to run and hide when things get overwhelming.

Hession in chapter 3-The Way of Fellowship outlines the importance of fellowship in shaping our lives and our relationships with our spouses, our friends, and our God.

Through the years, I have continued to try and coach and encourage other men to ‘date’ each other.  There is a richness to life that is sorely lacking without this process.  But it takes men SO LONG and most NEVER are able or willing to get there.  

The only way to do it is by finding a guy that you feel comfortable with and you take a few baby steps by sharing some private struggles or sins.  See how they respond, If they respond in kind and with understanding then dig deeper and continue to share more.  As you trust more and learn to share more, you will find that your marriage is better, your walk with Christ is deeper, and your life is richer.

Any questions?

Calvary Road, Chapter 3, Fellowship quotes:

But if we have not been brought into vital fellowship with our brother, it is a proof that to that extent we have not been brought into vital fellowship with God
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Sin always involves us in being unreal, pretending, duplicity, window dressing, excusing ourselves and blaming others–and we can do all that as much by our silence as by saying or doing something.
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The only basis for real fellowship with God and man is to live out in the open with both.
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Spurgeon defines it in one of his sermons as “the willingness to know and be known.”
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We must be willing not only to know, but to be known by him for what we really are. That means we are not going to hide our inner selves from those with whom we ought to be in fellowship; we are not going to window dress and put on appearances; nor are we going to whitewash and excuse ourselves. We are going to be honest about ourselves with them. We are willing to give up our spiritual privacy, pocket our pride and risk our reputations for the sake of being open and transparent with our brethren in Christ.
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We have not necessarily got to tell everybody everything about ourselves. The fundamental thing is our attitude of walking in the light, rather than the act. Are we willing to be in the open with our brother–and be so in word when God tells us to?
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When the barriers are down and the masks are off, God has a chance of making us really one. But there is also the added joy of knowing that in such a fellowship we are “safe.”
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Jesus wants you to begin walking in the light with Him in a new way today. Join with one other–your Christian friend, the person you live with, your wife, your husband. Drop the mask.

In the beginning was the Word…

John wrote these profound words to start his gospel.  Do words have power? Do words have more importance than we realize?  John was clearly stating to his audience that Jesus was God and that He was the Word which in Greek is logos (where we get the word logic in English).

I have come across something very interesting and if true, very powerful.  If this is true and accurate, it implies that the very fabric of the universe is ‘powered’ by the Word.

There is a man who has played music and taped words written on paper to glasses of water and then photographed the water molecules (scroll down on this website to read an interview of him).  The water molecules seem to change after being ‘spoken’ to.  What is the skeptics response to this? Please share with us if you have any thoughts.

“After seeing water react to different environmental conditions, pollution and music, Mr. Emoto and colleagues decided to see how thoughts and words affected the formation of untreated, distilled, water crystals, using words typed onto paper by a word processor and taped on glass bottles overnight. The same procedure was performed using the names of deceased persons. The waters were then frozen and photographed.”

Before and After Prayer

Love'you make me sick'

The image on the left is from the word: LOVE on the water glass.  The image on the right is from the words: ‘you make me sick’ on the water glass….hmmm……

The Human Whisperer

http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2009/janfeb/features/verghese.html

The Human Whisperer

Whether practicing medicine or literature, Abraham Verghese teaches how to pay full attention at a patient’s bedside.

BY SUSAN COHEN
PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL SUGRUE

IT TAKES ABRAHAM VERGHESEonly a few minutes to stroll from his public office to his secret one. His main office in the department of medicine contains the medical handbooks, the imposing desk, the ready assistant who copes with the physician’s complicated schedule. His secret office bears someone else’s name outside. It’s only slightly more personal than a motel room, a space devoted to nothing but writing. He jokes that he’ll be forced to eliminate anyone who uncovers its location.

Stanford promised Verghese the dual offices and two days a week to write when it hired him last year as senior associate chair for the theory and practice of medicine and put him in charge of training third- and fourth-year students as they rotate through internal medicine. It was, department of medicine chair Ralph Horwitz readily acknowledges, an unusual tenured appointment for an institution that typically evaluates a paper trail of research grants and publications to hire or promote. Verghese’s paper trail included, instead, a long list of essays, short stories and two much-praised memoirs, one of which was made into a movie starring Naveen Andrews of Lost.

Verghese’s summary of research interests remains blank on his faculty web page.

His list of publications, on the other hand, continues to grow. The newest is an epic novel, set over five decades in Ethiopia and America; Cutting for Stone will be published by Knopf on February 6.

Even more unusual than these literary accomplishments are the personal history Verghese brings to Stanford, and the ways it has led him to practice and teach medicine. Modern medicine can be high-tech, research-oriented, data-driven and time-crunched in ways that are alienating to both patient and physician. Examining a patient can come as an afterthought, neglected in the onslaught of laboratory test results, medical scans, numbers on the computer screen. These days, as Verghese puts it, “If you’re missing a finger, you have to get an X-ray to be believed.”

‘To him the physical exam is a beautiful and worthwhile art that benefits both patient and doctor.’

He is a link to an older healing tradition: devoted to medicine not just as science, but as calling and craft. Verghese doesn’t neglect modern laboratory tests; he’s board-certified in three specialties—internal medicine, pulmonary medicine and infectious diseases. But he loves nothing more than teaching students who are focused on the image of an organ on a piece of film to also look at the person in the hospital bed. And not just look, but touch, listen, even smell, with a writer’s attention to detail and a physician’s intention to discover the story of someone’s suffering.

“I loved introducing medical students to the thrill of the examination of the human body, guiding their hands to feel a liver, to percuss the stony dull note of fluid that had accumulated in the lung, to be with them when their eyes shone the first time they heard ‘tubular’ breathing . . . and thereby diagnosed pneumonia,” Verghese has written. To him, the physical exam is a beautiful and worthwhile art that benefits both patient and doctor.

Horwitz recruited Verghese after being struck by the power of his commitment to patients and bedside medicine “at a time when technology is so seductive.” The first time he heard Verghese speak, he watched this man with the soft voice electrify a boisterous audience of medical students who grew quieter and quieter so that they would not miss a word. Horwitz found in Verghese a scholar and master clinician who represents medicine’s “most enabling and enduring values.” There’s no irony in his voice when Horwitz insists that Verghese is “cutting edge” precisely because “he promotes bedside medicine and its meaning to both patients and practitioners.”

“Stanford needs that,” Horwitz argues, so that with all its emphasis on science and technology “we don’t lose sight of the value and meaning of that science and technology.”

ABRAHAM VERGHESE DESCRIBES HIMSELF as a perennial outsider. His parents were teachers from a Christian region of India, who raised him in Ethiopia. The expatriate life in Africa made him an acute observer of cultures and a seeker of connections. He believes that doctors are often wounded people attracted to medicine in an attempt to heal themselves, people who’ve sought “a way to be in this world” from the margins, and that literature, too, is a way to connect with the human condition. As a boy, he was drawn to both these passions by the stories of doctor-turned-writer Somerset Maugham.

Verghese, 53, began his medical education in Ethiopia, but fled in 1973 as civil unrest turned the country against both intellectuals and foreigners. He had witnessed so much brutality that when he reached New Jersey, where his parents and younger brother had settled a few years before, his only remaining life’s ambition was safety. He worked as a hospital orderly and assumed he’d live a blue-collar life.

One night, while working, Verghese found a copy of Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine on a table where a med student had left it. The book revived his calling. With the help of an aunt, he finished medical school in India, which took him in as a displaced person.

Medical training in Madras was “intense at the bedside every day,” Verghese recalls. “I loved it. Those Indian teachers were incredibly skilled. They’d identify all these diseases you’d never find in Western textbooks.” He watched them almost with a sense he was witnessing “wizardry.” He admired not just their ability to diagnose, but also the way they dealt with patients, “the gentleness of the way they taught us” and the love for medicine they conveyed. Many of the physical signs he was taught to notice at the bedside were named after great doctors of the past. His teachers were passing along a grand tradition, and he found himself “not wanting to break the chain.”

When it came time to do his residency, Verghese chose a newly fledged program in internal medicine at East Tennessee State University in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains. He chose internal medicine partly because he saw that foreign-trained students who wanted to be surgeons were recruited to the poorest American hospitals, worked around the clock, and rarely were promoted afterward by the top-ranked medical centers, places the students jokingly called “Mecca.”

Johnson City and the rural towns and hollers around it were a long way from any medical Mecca, but they turned out to be the opportunity of a lifetime for Verghese as both doctor and writer. People grew to depend on this foreign doctor with the brown face, slightly British diction and unplaceable accent. After a two-year fellowship in infectious diseases at Boston University, where he tried and disliked laboratory research, Verghese returned to Tennessee and joined the faculty, choosing to focus on caring for patients and teaching.

THAT’S WHERE HE FOUND HIMSELF in 1985, when young gay men began to return to their small towns and families to die. The HIV/AIDS clinic Verghese established saw more than 80 patients in five years, by which time Verghese felt burned out. It had been humbling. He’d been forced to give up what he called the physician’s “conceit of cure.” But though no one had a cure for the new disease, Verghese had found a lot to offer in the way of care—so much that he had little time to spare for his own family, which by then included a wife and two young sons, Jacob and Steven. He filled journals with his observations and his thoughts, and the details of his patients’ stories, in an attempt to learn as much about himself as about them. He thought he’d prepared himself for so much death. He hadn’t.

In a bold move, Verghese gave up his tenured position in Tennessee to attend the famous Writer’s Workshop at the University of Iowa. He realized later how hard that was on his family. “It was very selfish on my part. To me, it felt like survival.” A year and a half of intensive writing later, money running out, Verghese turned down several traditional academic positions that would have required him to chase grants and publish research papers. He took a clinical position instead—as professor of medicine and chief of infectious diseases at Texas Tech Health Sciences Center in El Paso. “I really liked the sense of being on the edge of America,” he explains. It was a “first world hospital—just barely—taking care of third world disease.” Without the pressure to do research, he wrote fiction.

After the New Yorker ran a short story based on his experiences in Tennessee, Verghese was offered a contract to write a memoir—one of the earliest books by a doctor working from the AIDS front line. He’d never considered writing nonfiction, but My Own Country: A Doctor’s Story of a Town and Its People in the Age of AIDS was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award in 1994. Director Mira Nair filmed it for Showtime TV. My Own Country was, another physician comments, “a really brave book.” His second was even braver. The Tennis Partner: A Doctor’s Story of Friendship and Loss, in 1998, described his bond with a medical resident in El Paso who died of drug addiction. The heavily autobiographical book interwove many themes: his passion for tennis, the failure of his first marriage, his enduring love of medicine in spite of the isolating effect it can have on its practitioners.

He attributes some blame for the appalling levels of suicide and drug abuse among doctors to this isolation. “Medicine is so beautiful, and yet it has its seamy underbelly,” Verghese says. “Most of us in medicine end up being far better doctors than fathers or husbands.” Although it’s his compassion—as well as his vivid and often lyrical writing—that wins praise, Verghese thinks what draws medical students to his work is that he exposes himself as a flawed human being rather than an all-knowing physician.

  

BOY AND MAN: Verghese at the center of a school photo in Ethiopia, and with actor Naveen Andrews, who played him in the 1998 TV movie My Own Country.
Courtesy Abraham Verghese (2)

Verghese believes in the curative power of literature for physicians. Writing is a way to explore what they see every day and can’t share. Reading is a way for students to revive the empathy that gets lost in the process of medical training. Modern training “takes lovely people and converts them into bottom-line, somewhat cynical, disease-oriented people,” Verghese insists. “We teach them to convert into our language, which we need for diagnosis. We rob the story of everything human about it.” After a while: “Imagining suffering is a struggle. The danger is we begin to talk about the diabetic in bed three.” Literature, on the other hand, is full of suffering. He likes to teach his students Chekhov, and is apt to recite a poem off the top of his head by William Carlos Williams—two other writer/physicians.

Six years ago, Verghese created the Center for Medical Humanities & Ethics at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, one of an increasing number of programs—like Stanford’s arts, humanities and medicine program—that encourage medical students to explore the arts. He also worked on Cutting for Stone. The novel’s title plays on a phrase in the Hippocratic oath and the name of a central character, Thomas Stone. Stone is a surgeon who’s missing from much of the narrative, just as he’s missing from his twin sons’ lives: a symbol of the wounded doctor who distances himself from people even as his hands render miracles on the operating table. Much of the rich, sprawling story is set in Ethiopia at a mission hospital that the locals call Missing. It’s an ambitious book filled with characters who, in their different ways, reveal Verghese’s view of what medicine does best and worst. Some of its most powerful scenes occur at a decrepit hospital in the Bronx where a newly arrived foreign medical student assumes the helicopter pad on the roof represents the richly endowed American medicine he so envied from afar. But the landing pad exists so doctors from an elite medical center can touch down just long enough to harvest organs for transplant from the trauma patients who flood the inner-city emergency room.

Though Verghese is ambitious for his writing, medicine remains its source. “I’d love to practice medicine until my last day,” he says. There are other physicians who combine the two, of course: surgeons Atul Gawande, ’87, and Richard Selzer, and pediatrician Perri Klass. But there are more of those like novelist Ethan Canin, ’82, a Harvard Medical School graduate who found he had to choose. Canin, a friend who has been familiar with Verghese’s writings for years, says: “I’ve always been amazed at his ambition and attainment in both. Plenty of people are ambitious in both, but few—if any—have attained such distinction in the two fields at once.”

When Verghese received Stanford’s offer to return to teaching at the bedside, an offer that included time to write, plus tenure, it struck him that Stanford valued his books and essays as highly as research. The realization was “precious.”

ON A DAY IN AUGUST, as he walked down a corridor at Stanford’s medical center, Verghese gestured to a glass wall that looks onto a wildly colorful garden, a glorious riot of flowering plants that achieve their profusion with massive—and expensive—tending. “Mecca,” he laughed. As though he had to pinch himself.

Verghese wants Stanford students to see medicine as a historic calling the way he does. He wants them to see a patient not as a diseased liver or a spleen, but as a man or woman in a bad situation. Young doctors may be brilliant at analyzing tests, but he finds many “incompetent” at diagnosing and treating at the bedside. Verghese also wants students to understand that there’s a “huge therapeutic effect” in offering someone hopeful words. Especially, and only if true, the words: “I think you will get better.”

What Verghese seems to have tapped into, even in the scant year he’s been here, is a hunger not just from patients for doctors with a human touch, but also from doctors for the kind of satisfaction many no longer get from medicine. Verghese, who lives with his wife, Sylvia, and their 11-year-old son, Tristan, hosted a speaker’s evening with an expert on evidence-based physical diagnosis. A medical resident grew so enthusiastic about learning more on how various skin conditions might help her diagnose patients that she blurted: “We get to be doctors! Not just order tests!”

Lisa Shieh, an assistant professor who specializes in internal medicine and in-patient care, says she’s found a mentor in Verghese. After hearing him speak, she invited him to instruct second-year students how to take a history and conduct a physical exam. She also followed him on rounds like a student, to see how he interacted with patients and taught. “There’s just so much data now in medicine, and keeping that straight is very challenging. Sometimes with all the technology, the physical exam takes a back seat.”

Verghese is organizing a major conference on bedside medicine that will take place at Stanford next September. Department chair Horwitz sounds like a proud parent when he talks about his successful recruit: “I now live in the shadow of Abraham!” He notes that, instead of the eight or nine graduating students who typically choose a career in internal medicine over other specialties, this year 21 students out of 90 made that choice.

ONE TUESDAY as Verghese led students on weekly rounds, they entered a hospital room where an elderly woman lay moaning, her eyes closed, her mouth open. Her husband, wearing a blue baseball cap and an exhausted look, sat in a chair at the foot of her bed, eyes fixed on her face for any signs she might respond.

“Come closer, she won’t bite,” Verghese called to his students, who hung back by the door while he greeted the man in the cap. “He won’t bite either.”

Verghese examined the patient, ending by lifting her arms and noting the very different rate at which her hands drifted down the sheets. At the small hospital where she’d first been hospitalized, a central venous catheter had been placed in the course of treating her for a possible infection. In transferring her to Stanford, there had been talk of an exotic diagnosis. But Verghese’s exam suggested she had suffered a stroke. When questioned, her husband recalled that she had become confused on the afternoon when the catheter was inserted. Verghese postulated that event had triggered a “cascade of catastrophes”: a drop in pressure, along with her history of irregular heart rhythms, had caused a clot to break loose and disrupt blood flow to the brain.

Verghese explained his concern to the husband in understandable terms, and said that he hoped to have more news later after getting the results of a brain scan. He asked where the family was staying and whether they were comfortable.

In another room, a white-haired woman with pneumonia eyed the gaggle of students, interns and residents with bright-eyed good humor, even as her grown daughter immediately launched into a litany of complaints about the room and the hospital care. Verghese took these complaints for what they were: a caring daughter’s anxiety over her mother’s illness. He moved right up to his patient, put his hand on her thin wrist, percussed her back and listened to her chest with his stethoscope. He left his hand lightly resting on her arm. “There’s something very comforting about the human hand. That’s very nice,” the patient commented.

‘Modern training “takes lovely people and converts them into bottom-line, somewhat cynical, disease-oriented people”’

Verghese smiled. “I’m trying to teach them that,” he said, and turned to his students: “I always take a patient’s hand and then pulse.” He told the ill woman that she looked as if she’d been getting plenty of fluids.

“Oh, good,” she said, laughing, “keep me up!” She raised her arms to indicate he’d lifted her spirits. Her daughter continued to ask questions, but seemed more relaxed. Before leaving, Verghese told the woman in the bed not only that he’d like to send her home, but that she was lucky to have a daughter who took such good care of her.

Before rounds ended, the students gathered around Verghese in the hall and talked about a patient who seemed better but whose CT scan looked worrisome. Verghese reassured them that in this case they could trust their observations. He praised a nurse who stopped to ask about a patient. “That was good nursing care,” he said. “We appreciate that care.” He singled out an intern who’d received a compliment from a patient for smiling and being helpful in the emergency room the night before.

The students trooped after Verghese to radiology to look at the brain scans of the nonresponsive woman they saw earlier. Sure enough, the radiologist pointed out evidence of small bleeds in her brain.

When Verghese and one resident returned to give the husband this news, the man in the blue baseball cap was exactly where they’d left him, at the foot of his wife’s bed and staring at her face. Verghese explained that the MRI seemed to confirm his suspicion that she had suffered a series of small strokes. He would ask the neurologists for some help, Verghese said, but he thought there was a chance the man’s wife would gain back a good part of her function. “One day at a time,” he told the husband, who clung to each word as hard as he was grabbing onto Verghese’s hand. Each day would bring a little more information. Verghese took time to thank the man for describing how his wife became unresponsive, and said the information had played an important role in leading them to their diagnosis. In a way, Verghese had welcomed the husband to the team, and invited him to be part of her healing, even while delivering bad news.

On the walk back to his office—the official one at the department of medicine—Verghese once more expressed his amazement at where he, the perennial outsider, had landed. Directly in Mecca. The trade-off he made decades ago, to spend whatever time he didn’t spend at the bedside writing, brought him here. A career trajectory no one could dream, let alone plan.

At Stanford, Verghese started out feeling as if he didn’t fit in, even though he found everyone extremely welcoming. But then he walked out into the hospital and led his first rounds. He felt immediately at home at patients’ bedsides. That was the evening Verghese told his wife: not only did he feel comfortable at Stanford, he knew he had something to offer.

Men’s Group: The Good Samaritan February 11, 2009

Then an expert in Moses’ Teachings stood up to test Jesus. He asked, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “What is written in Moses’ Teachings? What do you read there?” He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind.’ And ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.'” Jesus told him, “You’re right! Do this, and life will be yours.” But the man wanted to justify his question. So he asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “A man went from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way robbers stripped him, beat him, and left him for dead. “By chance, a priest was traveling along that road. When he saw the man, he went around him and continued on his way. Then a Levite came to that place. When he saw the man, he, too, went around him and continued on his way. “But a Samaritan, as he was traveling along, came across the man. When the Samaritan saw him, he felt sorry for the man, went to him, and cleaned and bandaged his wounds. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day the Samaritan took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. He told the innkeeper, ‘Take care of him. If you spend more than that, I’ll pay you on my return trip.’ “Of these three men, who do you think was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by robbers?” The expert said, “The one who was kind enough to help him.” Jesus told him, “Go and imitate his example!” (Luke 10:25-37 GW)

 

Who do you most identify with in this story and why?

 

Have you ever felt like or been the man on the street?

 

What are the barriers to helping the man on the street?

 

Have you ever been too busy to help someone?

 

Is our decision to help someone determined more by our character or by our circumstances?[1]

 

What can we do to better prepare ourselves to be a good neighbor?

 

How can we ‘go and imitate [the good Samaritan’s] example’? [2],[3]

 


[2] “God does not demand of me that I accomplish great things.  He does demand of me that I strive for excellence in my relationships.”-Ted W. Engstrom, The Making of a Christian Leader, 81

[3] Luke 10:37

Men’s Group January 21, 2009: David’s Grace to Mephibosheth

Passage: 2 Samuel 9

David asked, “Is there anyone remaining from Saul’s family I can show kindness to because of Jonathan?”2 There was a servant of Saul’s family named Ziba. They summoned him to David, and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?””[I am] your servant,” he replied. So the king asked, “Is there anyone left of Saul’s family I can show the kindness of God to?”Ziba said to the king, “There is still Jonathan’s son who is lame in both feet.”  The king asked him, “Where is he?”Ziba answered the king, “You’ll find him in Lo-debar at the house of Machir son of Ammiel.” So King David had him brought from the house of Machir son of Ammiel in Lo-debar.Mephibosheth son of Jonathan son of Saul came to David, bowed down to the ground and paid homage. David said, “Mephibosheth!””I am your servant,” he replied. “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “since I intend to show you kindness because of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all your grandfather Saul’s fields, and you will always eat meals at my table.”Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant that you take an interest in a dead dog like me?”Then the king summoned Saul’s attendant Ziba and said to him, “I have given to your master’s grandson all that belonged to Saul and his family. You, your sons, and your servants are to work the ground for him, and you are to bring in [the crops] so your master’s grandson will have food to eat. But Mephibosheth, your master’s grandson, is always to eat at my table.” Now Ziba had 15 sons and 20 servants.Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do all my lord the king commands.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s  table just like one of the king’s sons. Mephibosheth had a young son whose name was Mica. All those living in Ziba’s house were Mephibosheth’s servants. However, Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem because he always ate at the king’s table. He was lame in both feet.

 

 

1. Why did David show kindness to Mephibosheth?

 

2. Why is David’s kindness to Mephibosheth so significant?  What did the incoming king usually do to the outgoing king and his family?


3. What would you have done?  


4. Who is your Jonathan?


5. How did you develop a Jonathan friendship?  What does it take to develop a Jonathan friendship?


6. What is your Mephibosheth? (Where are you ‘lame’? What is your ‘tweak’?)


7. How does God respond to our ‘tweaks’? to our deformities?


8. How can we respond to other’s ‘tweaks’/deformities?

Dave wrote:

Cynthia and I just finished watching Evan Almighty.   Some of you are probably aware that Cynthia serves Pathways by teaching the 4th/5th graders every other Sunday.  Well, last Sunday (1/18) the lesson was on Noah.  One of the children brought up the movie, Evan Almighty.  Turns out, all of the kids in Cynthia’s class had seen it; neither one of us had.  If you have not seen this movie, I recommend you do; we really enjoyed it.  So, what does this have to do with our Men of the Path meeting last week?  In Bucky’s absence (welcome back Bucky), Drew taught on 2Samuel 9, which is the story of David and Mephibosheth.  (Don’t worry, when read the story, the name Mephibosheth comes up often enough you will be able to pronounce it before you finish).  {Pause, while you read the scripture.}  Okay, now that you’ve read the story (and if you’ve seen the movie) you can see the connection.  At the end of the movie, God writes the word “ARK” in the sand for Evan.  ARK is an acronym for Act of Random Kindness.  In 2Samuel 9, David shows Mephibosheth an Act of Random Kindness.  David’s word to his friend, Jonathan, took precedence over the world’s view of what a king should do.  In the culture of the day, a king would kill all members of the outgoing king’s family.  Mephibosheth was the “son of Jonathan, son of Saul,” as the Bible puts it; Mephibosheth was Saul’s grandson.  He not only had this as a mark against him but Mephibosheth was also lame in both feet.  In David’s day, people had no use for a cripple; they were generally ignored by society and left to die.  I got the impression that nearly everyone forgot about Mephibosheth; he was considered worthless.  Can you imagine what was going through Mephibosheth’s mind as he was being escorted to see the new king?  The man his grandfather was trying to kill?  The man who conquered and now ruled the land?  Verse 7 tells us the answer;  “David said, don’t be afraid.”  Rather than follow the culture of the world, David chose an Act of Random Kindness.  Mephibosheth got to eat at King David’s table every night and was given all of his grandfather’s land and servants.  In the end, Mephibosheth enjoyed a privileged life.  So, I ask, have you shown an ARK lately?  Has God blessed you and have you given that blessing back by showing kindness to someone who may need it right now?  Do you know there are men and women at Pathways who have been unemployed for some time?  Have you talked to them or prayed for them lately?  Have you asked them how you can help?  As I write this I find myself saying I have not done enough.  I pray for them but I have not been in close communication with them.  I know I cannot offer financial assistance but I can offer words of encouragement, a handshake or a hug.  I hope this touches your heart enough to seek out those who are struggling and ask how you can help.  If you don’t know who the unemployed are, ask Bucky, or one of the elders.  There are a lot of churches and a lot of men’s groups out there.  So how can we be different?  By walking our talk.  Remember, we are a community, a family.  And, we aren’t just any men’s group; we are the Men of the Path.  Let’s reach out and show we care (see Acts 2:42-47 for a biblical example of truly sharing in community and fellowship and what God did in return).

As always, please share your thoughts with us.

Advent Conspiracy

Pathways Church this Christmas season is taking part in an advent conspiracy! Join us in the adventure by giving (you can donate by clicking on link below and giving via credit card to the cause) to provide for a well of fresh, drinking water for a village in Africa. LOVE & LIVE with us as we help the world to drink living water.

Love Languages

We all hear and feel LOVED in different ways.  In his landmark book: The 5 LOVE Languages, Gary Chapman explains that there are 5 main ways that we hear and/or feel LOVED.  If we can take the time to learn our LOVE language (the language that makes us feel LOVED), and learn our spouse, family members, neighbor, and patients LOVE languages, we can ‘speak’ to them in THEIR LOVE language.  This is VERY important because we often can only feel or hear LOVE when people speak to us in the LOVE language that we can hear or feel.  If your spouse’s LOVE language is QUALITY TIME, then you can do the dishes and clean the house for the REST of your life, and he or she may NEVER feel LOVED! Strange but VERY true.  So STOP spinning your wheels and learn that her or his LOVE language is QUALITY TIME and see how it transforms your relationship by simply spending TIME with her or him!  Yes, it can be that easy.

The 5 love languages are:

QUALITY TIME

GIFTS

ACTS OF SERVICE

PHYSICAL TOUCH

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

What is your love language? What is your spouses? What are your kids? Take this quiz and find out and begin to grow deeper and more fulfilling relationships!

Men’s Topic #10: Intimacy is BETTER than Sex

We had a GREAT time today listening and learning how to be a Christ like lover to our wives.  We are called to love her–sacrafically and unconditionally–as Christ loved us.  We discussed love languages, knowing your family of origin baggage allows healing and enlightenment into present struggles, and Drew’s ‘top 10’ marriage tips. Here is the outline and discussion questions.

Love Well Give Well

Pathways church is embarking during this Christmas season to raise money to provide a drinking well for an entire community in Africa.  Please consider helping us to reach our goal of providing living water to those in dire need.  Enjoy this brief video about Pathways efforts:

PLEASE donate money for this GREAT cause directly on UBERLUMEN by clicking on the ChipIn icon on the right hand side of the site or click on icon below:

Purple People

“Now tell me again who is blue and who is red?”

Racist, stupid, bigoted, evil….these are some of the words used to describe ‘us’ by ‘them’.

Intolerant, arrogant, angry, blind….these are some of the words used to describe ‘them’ by ‘us’.

Something has gone terribly wrong here.

We worship a God who is BIGGER than ALL of THAT!

We follow a God who became a man who was beaten, whipped, tortured, mocked by the ruling government of his day.

We cherish the LOVE of a God who was mocked by guards who made him wear a robe that symbolized royalty, KINGSHIP as they laughted and scorned and cried out, “King of the Jews! Ha Ha Ha!”

The robe he wore was PURPLE: The color of KINGSHIP.

We are NOT blue; we are NOT red.  We ARE the PURPLE people.  We follow and worship the God in the PURPLE robe who loves each of us as if we are the ONLY person in the universe.

Share with us your comments after you listen to Rob Bell’s teaching titled: Beware the Dogs and Greg Boyd’s teaching titled: Defying Tanks.  These are 2 of the MOST challenging sermons that I have heard.  After you listen, PLEASE share your thoughts on some practical and specific ways that we can transform our world!

Men’s Topic #6: Love the one you’re with

Our topic this week was about LOVING your spouse.  In our OC world everyone is looking for more, coveting, and thinking that ‘the grass is always greener’.   If you want a GREAT marriage, you have to stop looking at the other lawns and stop and water your own grass! i.e. a GREAT marriage takes SACRIFICE and HARD WORK and COMMITTMENT to LOVE her with CHRIST’S LOVE!

Our Scripture for this week is: Ephesians 5:25-33

Here is Dave’s summary email:

I want to thank Robby for being a man of courage; it isn’t easy getting up in front of a bunch of men when you are the youngest and possibly the least experienced in the group regarding the topic you were speaking on. Robby spoke on Ephesians 5:25-33. If you haven’t read it in a while please do so. It offers great marital advice. Robby told us how he sees love – as an action word, not a feeling. Love, Robby said, is not about us but about other people. Verse 25 states, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Then, smack dab in the middle of those verses is the line, “He who loves his wife loves himself.” Wow, pretty powerful, huh?

Some things that went around the room during our discussion time were:

Love has nothing to do with the physical and everything to do with the heart

Jesus is our love coach

Marriages get neglected in the name of material success

Show love by praying with and for one another; you cannot be angry with someone if you are praying with/for them

Know your spouse’s “love language,” whether it is gifts, affirmation, physical touch, time or service (from Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages)

Spend some quality, uninterruptible time on the couch with your spouse when you first get home from work (“couch time”)

Get rid of your television and your children’s cell phones

If together, we can keep our eyes focused on Jesus rather than the imperfect human beings we are, and ask Him to love our spouse through us, we will grow closer to Him and to our spouse – as you both grow closer to Christ you grow closer to each other….

As always, please share your thoughts/comments with us!


MARRIAGE TIPS & RESOURCES

Marriage is hard work, but it is worth the effort.

If you are having a hard time with your marriage:

1. Don’t give up! Studies show that divorce can be truly devastating to you, your spouse, and especially your kids.2

2. Get professional help!  Don’t try and work through your issues on

your own. Read these books, go to marriage retreats, and get into

consistent marriage counseling.

3. Set down healthy patterns! Find or read about good patterns and then follow them.

 

RESOURCES:

MARRIAGE TOP 10 ‘TIPS’

 

BOOKS TO READ:

1. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

2. His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Hartley

3. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman

4. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires,The Respect He Desperately Needsby Emerson Eggerichs

5. Night Light: A Devotional for Couples by the Dobson’s

 

As always, PLEASE share with us your insights and comments below.

Paul Young speaks and preaches AGAIN

This is the 1 of 4 teachings from July 2008 at Mariners Church when the author of the amazing book: The Shack spoke.  (There are 4 separate podcasts that you can listen from Mariners Church podcast; these 2 are the best of the 4.)

As always please share with us your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Small Group WISDOM from Mark

Enjoy this WONDERFUL interview with Mark regarding how to lead a small group of teenagers.  In this short interview Mark points out some KEY points:

  1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Mark made it clear to his high schoolers that they were NEVER ALONE! Probably the most important point for a teenager to absorb into their souls.
  2. I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY or DO!  As parents our kids especially our teenagers HAVE TO know that we love them no matter what happens, no matter what their choices.

Prayer Request Update re: Jeff’s cardiac arrest

I just received an update via email about Jeff’s condition. I know that many of you have been praying for him and his family.  PLEASE read his AMAZING journal entry!

I have cut and pasted it here as well:

I’m writing to say thank you for your love during my cardiac arrest, resuscitation, medical care and current recovery…

…to my Heavenly Father, who, obviously, holds my very life in His hands; Jesus, my Lord and Savior and the model of the person I strive to become; the Spirit of God, my daily strength and wisdom. Thank you for your grace.

…to Karen, Alex, Maddie and Ella, it is impossible to imagine a life without you. Thank you for loving me everyday.

…to mom and dad, for staying by my side the past 45 years

…to the rest of our family and friends, in the Port Streets (wow!), at the Boras Corporation, across Orange County and the country for your prayers, caring for my children and my wife, visits to the hospital to spend time with me and sacrificing time with your own families, coordinating meals…etc. etc., overwhelming…

…to St. Andrews Pres, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and my Friday morning men’s group, for being a model of what it looks like to worship God with our lives everyday, praying over me and reading God’s Word to me in the hospital, and prayer, prayer, prayer…

…to Hoag Hospital, my doctors, and the Newport Beach Paramedics, there are numerous exceptional medical people and facilities across the country, but none better.

There has been much prayer for me, and now from me to you-one of Paul’s prayers that has been a main life verse for me for over 20 years….

“I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV).

I look forward to the opportunity to say thank you personally to as many as God affords me the opportunity. Just one warning, any hug over 3 seconds brings with it the danger of getting wet.

Peace, Jeff Musselman