Cat Girl: Creative, Unique, Hear Me Meow

My son came home from high school today sharing the story of cat girl with us.  There is a girl in several of his classes that wore cat ears and face painted cat whiskers to school today.  The teacher asked why she was dressed up like a cat, and she announced to the class that it is October, and she dresses up as something new every day in the month of October.

I LOVE it! I told my son that is a girl you want to get to know.  Can you imagine the teasing that she must endure at high school to do her own thing? It must be immense, but she does it anyway!

Hats off for Cat Girl!  Creative, Unique, Hear Her Meow (or roar? maybe she will be a lion tomorrow?)

Present Perfect, Living in the Now Here

One of the fundamental principles of coaching is the practice of what I call: Present Perfect.  The art of being in the now here (Brennan Manning is known for saying that you are either Now Here or Nowhere).  This practice is known by other names such as process or mindfulness.

The lack of mindfulness or living in the now creates a frantic pace to our lives that is fraught with stress, limiting our experiences, and not embracing life to the fullest.  When we are fully present aka present perfect, we are able to fully experience life.

So how do we live in the now? Here are a few ways:

  • Record Your Moments: Record some random moments for a week.
    • Set your alarm on your smart phone or your watch or whenever your phone rings in the next week STOP what you are doing
    • Carry a 3×5 card with you and write down what you are doing at the moment when your alarm goes off.  Ask yourself what are you doing in this moment? What do you notice? What are you feeling? What are you thinking?
    • This is a great way to start to exercise your living in the moment muscles…
  • Freeze Frame: This week when you are with your loved ones stop and ponder:
    • Are you fully present?
    • What are you feeling, hearing, tasting, seeing, doing….
  • Body Check: Stop for a moment and check in with your body…
    • Let go of your current struggles/to do list/etc.
    • Notice your breathing
    • Notice places in your body that are tense and relax them
    • Take note of what happens when you do these things…what is possible from this place that wasn’t before?

So how do YOU live life in the now? Any ideas? Please share your ways/tricks to stay in the present, now here of your life.

Embracing Affirmations

Last weekend my wife and I were invited to our friends 50th birthday party.  Their family has a tradition at birthdays: Affirmations.  Each of the family members will affirm the birthday person.  We have started this tradition in our family as well.

It is interesting to watch other’s reaction to affirmations.  If you are like me, I squirm, cringe, and struggle to truly accept the affirmation. It takes practice and discipline to fully embrace an affirmation.

There were about 20 people at our friend’s 50th birthday party, and the birthday ‘girl’ asked that we affirm her.  About half the party goers did just that.  When it was my wife’s turn to affirm her (I shy away from affirming anyone of the opposite sex accept my daughter and my wife), the birthday ‘girl’ said, “Drew, aren’t you going to affirm me too?”  I LOVE it!

Now the real magic of an affirmation takes place when we stretch and reach to really embrace the affirmation.  This takes place when we take the time to state to those who have affirmed us that you truly have embraced all their affirmations by saying, “I am…..”, and summarizing and announcing to the group who you KNOW that you are based on your affirmations.

I asked the birthday ‘girl’ when that part of the party was going to take place.  She said, “Oh my gosh, I LOVE it! We have to have ANOTHER party so that I can announce to everyone who affirmed me who I KNOW that I am!”

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we could all ask for, accept, and embrace affirmations?

I have a guy that could use some coaching…

I am in the process of building my coaching practice.  I LOVE coaching, but the marketing piece….not so much.  When I ask around & share the incredible testimonials from those who I have coached, most people think or say, “I don’t need coaching…but I might know a guy who could use some coaching…”

I clearly will never be a ‘marketeer’ but coaching is not what someone else could ‘use’ or ‘need’.  Coaching is the unique opportunity to learn how to flourish, to learn how to live a life of fulfillment.  If we were to score on a 1 to 10 scale each segment of our lives (our marriage, relationships, work, play, parenting, etc.), what numbers would we see?  Are we living life to the fullest? Coaching is a gift.  It is the place to discover what a 10 looks, sounds, tastes, and feels like!  Can you imagine that?

Coaching has transformed my life and the lives of my clients.  It is an opportunity to learn & develop the know how to live your most fulfilling life, to live in the present (the land of the now here rather than the land of nowhere), to discover the power of choice, to laugh & live more…Now who doesn’t want some of that?!

The Power of Musical Notes: Resonance & Dissonance

I found this excerpt about musical notes very timely and interesting.  As most of you know, I am finishing up credentialing in Professional Coaching.  It has been an incredible adventure.  As I reflect on my many learning’s, I was reminded by this excerpt on musical notes that our lives are filled with “music”.  The music of life is our unique musical piece.  We each have different values which make us hum, and whenever one of our unique values is being played for us, we are in a place of resonance.  What does the music of your life, of your values, sound like?  How do you know when you are in a resonant place?

“Musical notes are different from non-musical noises because every musical note is made up of a ripple pattern which repeats itself over and over again. … To be a musical note, it doesn’t really matter how complicated the individual ripples are, as long as the pattern repeats itself. Our eardrums flex in and out as the pressure ripples push against them. However, our eardrums can’t respond properly if the ripple pattern repeats itself too quickly or too slowly – we can only hear patterns which repeat themselves more often than twenty times a second but less often than 2o,ooo times a second.

“Musical notes don’t need to be made by musical instruments, in fact, anything which vibrates or disturbs the air in a regular way between twenty and 20,000 times a second will produce a note. High-speed motorbike engines or dentists’ drills produce notes. In the song ‘The Facts of Life,’ the band Talking Heads uses what sounds like a compressed air-powered drill to produce one of the notes of the background accompaniment. This combination of music and engineering fits well with the lyrics, which compare love to a machine.

“Musical instruments are simply devices which have been designed to produce notes in a controlled way. A musician uses finger movement or lung power to start something vibrating at chosen frequencies – and notes are produced.”

Perseverance

“Going in one more round when you don’t think you can – that’s what makes all the difference in your life.”-Sylvester Stallone as Rocky in “Rocky IV”

So where is your “inner Rocky”? Where are you wanting to stop, to toss in the towel and climb out of the ring? What is the opponent that is towering over you? (excerpt from Ben Dooley)

4 Ways to Open Your Eyes to Reality

4 Ways to Open Your Eyes to Reality

Margaret Heffernan’s new book — Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril — couldn’t be timelier. It tackles a phenomenon that underlies many of the most outrageous disasters of recent years, from Enron to the massive fraud perpetrated by Bernie Madoff: The refusal face facts.

Heffernan nicely blends personal stories, headline events, and scientific research to paint a richly textured portrait of the ways we succumb to willful ignorance. Fortunately, we’re not hostages of our propensity to ignore reality. We can do something about it. Here are four ways to keep your head out of the sand.

  1. Actively seek disconfirmation. ” Outsiders – whether you call them Cassandras, devil’s advocates, dissidents, mentors, troublemakers, fools, or coaches – are essential to any leader’s ability to see,” Heffernan writes.
  2. Get some sleep. Tired people make mistakes – bad ones.  “Companies that measure work by hours could make themselves smarter by the simple act of measuring contribution by output and rewarding those who go home.”
  3. Acknowledge your own biases and pursue diversity. “Diversity, in this context,” Heffernan writes, “isn’t a form of political correctness but an insurance against…blindness.”
  4. Beware easy answers to complex problems. “The best decisions require testing, painful discussion, dialogue, thinking without banisters.”

“When we confront facts and fears,” says Heffernan, “we achieve real power and unleash our capacity to change.” Check out more of Margaret Heffernan’s work on her web site.

Carton Calculus

The Genius in All of Us by Shenk points out that it is not about an IQ number. One example is seen by a group of uneducated factory workers who had developed the capacity to perform highly complex mathmatics so they wouldn’t have to bend over so much at work. When a complicated order for many different kinds of milk cartons was given to them, they would quickly figure out a way to package the order in a simple and elegant way to limit their physical labor. When the highly educated, high IQ boses tried to make the same calculations, they failed miserably. Pointing out that it is not about IQ, we all have the capacity to make complex calculations when motivated in the right ways.

Nerve Lesson #12: Open Up To Fear Unconditionally

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #12: Open up to fear unconditionally.
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling anxious, ever, over anything at all. Fear and anxiety are part of who we are. Once we drop the pointless, wrongheaded routine about needing to get rid of them, we can carry fear and anxiety around with us through life like friendly companions. Instead of battling fear, we just let it happen, and when the fight against it dissolves, so does the torment. We slowly learn to live in harmony with fear, anxiety, and stress, expecting them to show up and welcoming them when they do.”

Nerve Lesson #11: Keep Your Eyes On A Guiding Principle

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #11: Keep your eyes on a guiding principle.
“Fear, anxiety, and stress can make the universe seem chaotic and bewildering, so it’s always helpful to have a compass to steer you through the maelstrom…devotion to personal values is a crucial part of learning to live with anxiety and stress…our emotional pain helps highlight what’s really important to us…’If you flip anxiety over, it tells you what you care about, what your values are’…”

“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”-Friedrich Nietzsche

Nerve Lesson #10: Build Faith In Yourself

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #10: Build faith in yourself.
“…developing confidence that you can handle intense fear and stressful predicaments is absolutely vital…remember, worry research shows that people handle worst-case scenarios far better than they ever expected, and therapists like David Barlow like to plunge their clients into deep terror to show them reserves of strength they didn’t know they had. And in addition to building confidence through fear exposure, we can also do it through the ways that we talk to ourselves and handle worrisome visions of the future. Here’s a useful practice: next time you imagine something you fear coming to pass, visualize yourself not enduring it miserably or falling apart but coping with it well, demonstrating grit and resilience.”

Nerve Lesson #9: Joke Around

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #9: Joke around.
“…thinking playfully or joking in a stressful situation helps us break out of a negative point of view…by poking fun at life’s occasional grimness, we neutralize its venom and lift ourselves above it.”

Not Enough Prefrontal Cortex

“Why are there so many mean, cheating, cussing, crazy students at school, Dad?” This is how my most recent discussion with my 14 year old son started the other day. I went on to explain to him one of the reasons why teens are impulsive, risky, rude, ‘crazy’, get in car accidents, experimented with illicit drugs, and talk about and have sex. Answer: overactive nucleus accumbens & not enough prefrontal cortex. “Ugh, Dad.”

It turns out that a brain area known as the nucleus accumbens is VERY active in teens and is the area of the brain associated with the processing of rewards aka sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. On the flip side, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps us resist such temptations & is essential in our ability to make rational choices, is less developed in teens. In fact it has been shown that kids with ADHD have an immature prefrontal cortex (studies have shown that this immature prefrontal cortex eventually catches up to its peers with about a 3 year lag time).

So teens nucleus accumbens is more active than their prefrontal cortex, but as they develop into their early 20’s, there prefrontal cortex (usually & hopefully) becomes more active than their nucleus accumbens. Thus we see what we call maturity. We also see more rational choices, less car accidents, less impulsive & risky behavior.

You see, son, science can be helpful & fun…

(information based on a book: How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer)

Nerve Lesson #8: Reframe The Situation

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #8: Reframe the situation.
“when the procession of negative biases and anxious thoughts starts marching through our heads, we always have an important choice to make: do we buy into a falsely pessimistic interpretation of what’s going on, or do we learn to see things differently? ‘I like to say you can make an emotional molehill into an emotional mountain, which is what people do all the time’..according to psychologist Kevin Ochsner…he stresses the importance of recontextualizing: staying grounded in reason and reminding ourselves of the doubtlessly more positive reality of our situation…’When you change the way you appraise a situation, you change your emotional response to it.'”

Memory Palace

In today’s excerpt – the individuals with the most prodigious memories, those that win the United States and World Memory Championships, use a technique called the “method of loci” or “memory palace.” Since the human brain is highly adept at remembering spaces and images, they simply visualize a house or palace, and visually place each item on a path through the house – using a highly unusual and memorable visual association for each item. Then, to remember, they simply take a mental “walk” through the house on that same path and “see” each item they need to remember. It turns out that this “memory palace” technique was used by the greats of antiquity during times when – because of the absence of the printing press and the internet – memory was a much more highly honored ability:

“Virtually all the nitty-gritty details we have about classical memory training were first described in a short, anonymously authored Latin rhetoric textbook called the Rhetorica ad Herennium, written some­time between 86 and 82 B.C. … The techniques introduced in the Ad Herennium were widely prac­ticed in the ancient world. In fact, in his own writings on the art of memory, Cicero says that the techniques are so well known that he felt he didn’t need to waste ink describing them in detail. Once upon a time, … memory train­ing was considered a centerpiece of classical education in the language arts, on par with grammar, logic, and rhetoric. Students were taught not just what to remember, but how to remember it.

“In a world with few books, memory was sacrosanct. Just look at Pliny the Elder’s Natural History, the first-century encyclopedia that chronicled … the most exceptional memories then known to history. ‘King Cyrus could give the names of all the soldiers in his army,’ Pliny reports. ‘Lucius Scipio knew the names of the whole Roman people. King Pyrrhus’s envoy Cineas knew those of the Sen­ate and knighthood at Rome the day after his arrival … A person in Greece named Charmadas recited the contents of any volumes in libraries that anyone asked him to quote, just as if he were reading them.’ … Seneca the Elder could repeat two thousand names in the order they’d been given to him. St. Augustine tells of a friend, Simplicius, who could recite Virgil by heart – backward. A strong memory was seen as the greatest virtue since it represented the internalization of a universe of external knowledge.

“The [technique] is to create a space in the mind’s eye, a place that you know well and can easily visualize, and then populate that imagined place with images representing whatever you want to remember. Known as the ‘method of loci’ by the Romans, such a building would later come to be called a ‘memory palace.’ Memory palaces don’t necessarily have to be palatial – or even buildings. They can be routes through a town or station stops along a railway. … They can be big or small, indoors or outdoors, real or imagi­nary, so long as there’s some semblance of order that links one locus to the next, and so long as they are intimately familiar. The four-time U.S. memory champion Scott Hagwood uses luxury homes featured in Architectural Digest to store his memories. Dr. Yip Swee Chooi, the effervescent Malaysian memory champ, used his own body parts as loci to help him memorize the entire 56,OOO-word, 1,774-page Oxford Chinese-English dictionary. One might have dozens, hundreds, per­haps even thousands of memory palaces, each built to hold a different set of memories. …

” ‘The thing to understand is that humans are very, very good at learning spaces,’ [memory grand master] Ed Cooke remarked. ‘Just to give an example, if you are left alone for five minutes in someone else’s house you’ve never visited before, and you’re feeling energetic and nosy, think about how much of that house could be fixed in your memory in that brief period. You’d be able to learn not just where all the different rooms are and how they connect with each other, but their dimensions and decoration, the arrangement of their contents, and where the windows are. Without really noticing it, you’d remember the whereabouts of hundreds of objects and all sorts of dimensions that you wouldn’t even notice yourself noticing. If you actually add up all that information, it’s like the equivalent of a short novel. But we don’t ever register that as being a memory achievement. Humans just gobble up spatial information.’

“The principle of the memory palace is to use one’s exquisite spatial memory to structure and store information whose order comes less naturally. … The crucial thing was to choose a memory palace with which [you are] intimately familiar [such as] the house you grew up in. …

” ‘It’s important that you deeply process that image, so you give it as much attention as possible,’ Ed continued. [So if, for example, you want to remember the cottage cheese on your shopping list,] try to imagine [Claudia Schiffer swimming in a tub of cottage cheese]. And make sure you [visually place this cottage cheese image in a specific room in your mental house] … The Ad Herennium advises readers at length about creating the images for one’s memory palace: the funnier, lewder, and more bizarre, the better. … The more vivid the image, the more likely it is to cleave to its locus. What distinguishes a great mnemonist is the ability to create these sorts of lavish images on the fly, to paint in the mind a scene so unlike any that has been seen before that it cannot be forgotten. And to do it quickly. Which is why [memory champion] Tony Buzan tells anyone who will listen that the World Memory Championship is less a test of memory than of creativity.”

Author: Josh Foer
Title: Moonwalking with Einstein
Publisher: Penguin
Date: Copyright 2011 by Joshua Foer
Pages: 94-100

Nerve Lesson #7: Learn To Accept Uncertainty And Lack Of Control

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #7: Learn to accept uncertainty and lack of control.
“Anxiety and stress feed on our negative response to feeling uncertain or powerless over the future…anxiety expert Robert Leahy suggests…taking a hint from the well-worn Serenity Prayer, which aspires to ‘the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’ When we’re troubled about something uncertain or uncontrollable…Leahy recommends a simple practice to help us accept reality…suppose you’re worried you might be laid off from your job. Leahy says that if you bask in your uncertainty (that is, expose yourself to your fear about the future), repeating the distressing thought It’s possible I could be laid off to yourself without resisting your anxious emotional reaction, then you (and your amygdala) will eventually begin habituating to it. With enough exposure, the idea loses its power and becomes almost dull.”

Nerve Lesson #6: Expose Yourself To Your Fears

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #6: Expose yourself to your fears.
“If you want to remain locked into a fear indefinitely, then by all means, avoid the situations that make you anxious. but if you want to give your amygdala a chance to get over a fear, you must exposure yourself to the things and ideas that scare you…a good rule of thumb…if anxiety is stopping you from doing something that isn’t objectively dangerous, do it anyway….get in the habit of moving toward your fears rather than running away. When you do so, even ‘failures’ become successes, each exposure two steps forward to one step back.”

Nerve Lesson #5: Mindfully Disentangle From Worries And Anxious Thoughts

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #5: Mindfully Disentangle from worries and anxious thoughts.
“We know now that worry does us no good, yet trying to stop our fretting altogether is well nigh impossible…Evelyn Behar, the worry expert, suggests two paths for detaching from this internal chirping. One is to take the mindfulness route: the more you learn to simply watch your worries and let them coast by without getting entangled with them, the more you see them and their predictable patterns as if from far above. ‘Or,’ behar continued,’you can postpone worry. You write a worry down and agree that later on you can worry about it for thirty minutes, which frees you up to focus on the moment.'”

Nerve Lesson #4: Redirect Your Focus

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #4: Redirect your focus.
“…the culprit in cases of meltdown under pressure isn’tfear but misdirected focus: we turn our attention inward and grow preoccupied with worries about results, which undercuts our true abilities. Clutch athletes and cool-headed heros concentrate on the present moment and on the task at hand, a habit we can all develop through practice…psychologists say that even pausing a few times a day and being present for a moment with what’s going on around you (rather than with the monologue in your head) can help you to better inhabit the current moment.