Category Archives: Coaching
Nerve Lesson #12: Open Up To Fear Unconditionally
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #12: Open up to fear unconditionally.
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling anxious, ever, over anything at all. Fear and anxiety are part of who we are. Once we drop the pointless, wrongheaded routine about needing to get rid of them, we can carry fear and anxiety around with us through life like friendly companions. Instead of battling fear, we just let it happen, and when the fight against it dissolves, so does the torment. We slowly learn to live in harmony with fear, anxiety, and stress, expecting them to show up and welcoming them when they do.”
Nerve Lesson #11: Keep Your Eyes On A Guiding Principle
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #11: Keep your eyes on a guiding principle.
“Fear, anxiety, and stress can make the universe seem chaotic and bewildering, so it’s always helpful to have a compass to steer you through the maelstrom…devotion to personal values is a crucial part of learning to live with anxiety and stress…our emotional pain helps highlight what’s really important to us…’If you flip anxiety over, it tells you what you care about, what your values are’…”
“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”-Friedrich Nietzsche
Nerve Lesson #10: Build Faith In Yourself
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #10: Build faith in yourself.
“…developing confidence that you can handle intense fear and stressful predicaments is absolutely vital…remember, worry research shows that people handle worst-case scenarios far better than they ever expected, and therapists like David Barlow like to plunge their clients into deep terror to show them reserves of strength they didn’t know they had. And in addition to building confidence through fear exposure, we can also do it through the ways that we talk to ourselves and handle worrisome visions of the future. Here’s a useful practice: next time you imagine something you fear coming to pass, visualize yourself not enduring it miserably or falling apart but coping with it well, demonstrating grit and resilience.”
Nerve Lesson #9: Joke Around
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #9: Joke around.
“…thinking playfully or joking in a stressful situation helps us break out of a negative point of view…by poking fun at life’s occasional grimness, we neutralize its venom and lift ourselves above it.”
Not Enough Prefrontal Cortex
“Why are there so many mean, cheating, cussing, crazy students at school, Dad?” This is how my most recent discussion with my 14 year old son started the other day. I went on to explain to him one of the reasons why teens are impulsive, risky, rude, ‘crazy’, get in car accidents, experimented with illicit drugs, and talk about and have sex. Answer: overactive nucleus accumbens & not enough prefrontal cortex. “Ugh, Dad.”
It turns out that a brain area known as the nucleus accumbens is VERY active in teens and is the area of the brain associated with the processing of rewards aka sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. On the flip side, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps us resist such temptations & is essential in our ability to make rational choices, is less developed in teens. In fact it has been shown that kids with ADHD have an immature prefrontal cortex (studies have shown that this immature prefrontal cortex eventually catches up to its peers with about a 3 year lag time).
So teens nucleus accumbens is more active than their prefrontal cortex, but as they develop into their early 20’s, there prefrontal cortex (usually & hopefully) becomes more active than their nucleus accumbens. Thus we see what we call maturity. We also see more rational choices, less car accidents, less impulsive & risky behavior.
You see, son, science can be helpful & fun…
(information based on a book: How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer)
Nerve Lesson #8: Reframe The Situation
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #8: Reframe the situation.
“when the procession of negative biases and anxious thoughts starts marching through our heads, we always have an important choice to make: do we buy into a falsely pessimistic interpretation of what’s going on, or do we learn to see things differently? ‘I like to say you can make an emotional molehill into an emotional mountain, which is what people do all the time’..according to psychologist Kevin Ochsner…he stresses the importance of recontextualizing: staying grounded in reason and reminding ourselves of the doubtlessly more positive reality of our situation…’When you change the way you appraise a situation, you change your emotional response to it.'”
Memory Palace
In today’s excerpt – the individuals with the most prodigious memories, those that win the United States and World Memory Championships, use a technique called the “method of loci” or “memory palace.” Since the human brain is highly adept at remembering spaces and images, they simply visualize a house or palace, and visually place each item on a path through the house – using a highly unusual and memorable visual association for each item. Then, to remember, they simply take a mental “walk” through the house on that same path and “see” each item they need to remember. It turns out that this “memory palace” technique was used by the greats of antiquity during times when – because of the absence of the printing press and the internet – memory was a much more highly honored ability:
“Virtually all the nitty-gritty details we have about classical memory training were first described in a short, anonymously authored Latin rhetoric textbook called the Rhetorica ad Herennium, written sometime between 86 and 82 B.C. … The techniques introduced in the Ad Herennium were widely practiced in the ancient world. In fact, in his own writings on the art of memory, Cicero says that the techniques are so well known that he felt he didn’t need to waste ink describing them in detail. Once upon a time, … memory training was considered a centerpiece of classical education in the language arts, on par with grammar, logic, and rhetoric. Students were taught not just what to remember, but how to remember it.
“In a world with few books, memory was sacrosanct. Just look at Pliny the Elder’s Natural History, the first-century encyclopedia that chronicled … the most exceptional memories then known to history. ‘King Cyrus could give the names of all the soldiers in his army,’ Pliny reports. ‘Lucius Scipio knew the names of the whole Roman people. King Pyrrhus’s envoy Cineas knew those of the Senate and knighthood at Rome the day after his arrival … A person in Greece named Charmadas recited the contents of any volumes in libraries that anyone asked him to quote, just as if he were reading them.’ … Seneca the Elder could repeat two thousand names in the order they’d been given to him. St. Augustine tells of a friend, Simplicius, who could recite Virgil by heart – backward. A strong memory was seen as the greatest virtue since it represented the internalization of a universe of external knowledge.
“The [technique] is to create a space in the mind’s eye, a place that you know well and can easily visualize, and then populate that imagined place with images representing whatever you want to remember. Known as the ‘method of loci’ by the Romans, such a building would later come to be called a ‘memory palace.’ Memory palaces don’t necessarily have to be palatial – or even buildings. They can be routes through a town or station stops along a railway. … They can be big or small, indoors or outdoors, real or imaginary, so long as there’s some semblance of order that links one locus to the next, and so long as they are intimately familiar. The four-time U.S. memory champion Scott Hagwood uses luxury homes featured in Architectural Digest to store his memories. Dr. Yip Swee Chooi, the effervescent Malaysian memory champ, used his own body parts as loci to help him memorize the entire 56,OOO-word, 1,774-page Oxford Chinese-English dictionary. One might have dozens, hundreds, perhaps even thousands of memory palaces, each built to hold a different set of memories. …
” ‘The thing to understand is that humans are very, very good at learning spaces,’ [memory grand master] Ed Cooke remarked. ‘Just to give an example, if you are left alone for five minutes in someone else’s house you’ve never visited before, and you’re feeling energetic and nosy, think about how much of that house could be fixed in your memory in that brief period. You’d be able to learn not just where all the different rooms are and how they connect with each other, but their dimensions and decoration, the arrangement of their contents, and where the windows are. Without really noticing it, you’d remember the whereabouts of hundreds of objects and all sorts of dimensions that you wouldn’t even notice yourself noticing. If you actually add up all that information, it’s like the equivalent of a short novel. But we don’t ever register that as being a memory achievement. Humans just gobble up spatial information.’
“The principle of the memory palace is to use one’s exquisite spatial memory to structure and store information whose order comes less naturally. … The crucial thing was to choose a memory palace with which [you are] intimately familiar [such as] the house you grew up in. …
” ‘It’s important that you deeply process that image, so you give it as much attention as possible,’ Ed continued. [So if, for example, you want to remember the cottage cheese on your shopping list,] try to imagine [Claudia Schiffer swimming in a tub of cottage cheese]. And make sure you [visually place this cottage cheese image in a specific room in your mental house] … The Ad Herennium advises readers at length about creating the images for one’s memory palace: the funnier, lewder, and more bizarre, the better. … The more vivid the image, the more likely it is to cleave to its locus. What distinguishes a great mnemonist is the ability to create these sorts of lavish images on the fly, to paint in the mind a scene so unlike any that has been seen before that it cannot be forgotten. And to do it quickly. Which is why [memory champion] Tony Buzan tells anyone who will listen that the World Memory Championship is less a test of memory than of creativity.”
Author: Josh Foer
Title: Moonwalking with Einstein
Publisher: Penguin
Date: Copyright 2011 by Joshua Foer
Pages: 94-100
Nerve Lesson #7: Learn To Accept Uncertainty And Lack Of Control
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #7: Learn to accept uncertainty and lack of control.
“Anxiety and stress feed on our negative response to feeling uncertain or powerless over the future…anxiety expert Robert Leahy suggests…taking a hint from the well-worn Serenity Prayer, which aspires to ‘the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’ When we’re troubled about something uncertain or uncontrollable…Leahy recommends a simple practice to help us accept reality…suppose you’re worried you might be laid off from your job. Leahy says that if you bask in your uncertainty (that is, expose yourself to your fear about the future), repeating the distressing thought It’s possible I could be laid off to yourself without resisting your anxious emotional reaction, then you (and your amygdala) will eventually begin habituating to it. With enough exposure, the idea loses its power and becomes almost dull.”
Nerve Lesson #6: Expose Yourself To Your Fears
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #6: Expose yourself to your fears.
“If you want to remain locked into a fear indefinitely, then by all means, avoid the situations that make you anxious. but if you want to give your amygdala a chance to get over a fear, you must exposure yourself to the things and ideas that scare you…a good rule of thumb…if anxiety is stopping you from doing something that isn’t objectively dangerous, do it anyway….get in the habit of moving toward your fears rather than running away. When you do so, even ‘failures’ become successes, each exposure two steps forward to one step back.”
Nerve Lesson #5: Mindfully Disentangle From Worries And Anxious Thoughts
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #5: Mindfully Disentangle from worries and anxious thoughts.
“We know now that worry does us no good, yet trying to stop our fretting altogether is well nigh impossible…Evelyn Behar, the worry expert, suggests two paths for detaching from this internal chirping. One is to take the mindfulness route: the more you learn to simply watch your worries and let them coast by without getting entangled with them, the more you see them and their predictable patterns as if from far above. ‘Or,’ behar continued,’you can postpone worry. You write a worry down and agree that later on you can worry about it for thirty minutes, which frees you up to focus on the moment.'”
Nerve Lesson #4: Redirect Your Focus
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #4: Redirect your focus.
“…the culprit in cases of meltdown under pressure isn’tfear but misdirected focus: we turn our attention inward and grow preoccupied with worries about results, which undercuts our true abilities. Clutch athletes and cool-headed heros concentrate on the present moment and on the task at hand, a habit we can all develop through practice…psychologists say that even pausing a few times a day and being present for a moment with what’s going on around you (rather than with the monologue in your head) can help you to better inhabit the current moment.
Nerve Lesson #3: Train, Practice, and Prepare
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #3: Train, Practice, and Prepare
“Whether you want to make better decisions under stress, handle life-threatening situations with composure, or perform your best when pressure hits, training is the only reliable way to ensure success; through repetition and experience, you program yourself to do the right thing automatically….and keep the U.S. military’s eight Ps in mind: Proper prior planning and preparation prevents piss-poor performance.”
Nerve Lesson #2: Put Your Feelings Into Words
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #2: Put your feelings into words.
“…research shows that talking or writing about an emotion like fear helps the brain to process it behind the scenes…[this process literally] changes their emotions…”
“I never know what I think about something until I read what I’ve written on it.”-William Faulkner
Nerve Lesson #1: Breathe
Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.
Lesson #1: Breathe.
It turns out that in the grip of fear we stop breathing or we start breathing shallowly. This response just perpetuates our stress reaction to the fear.
“By consciously controlling our breathing, we can inform our parasympathetic nervous system that things are okay, lowering our heart rate and taking fear down a notch.”
The tactical breathing method taught by psychologist Dave Grossman to soldiers, police officers, etc. is as follows:
1. “…slowly draw air through your nose down into your abdomen for four leisurely counts (you can place a hand on your stomach to make sure you’re breathing in correctly).”
2. “hold for 4 counts”
3. “exhale through your mouth for four counts”
4. “and hold again for four counts…repeat as necessary…”
DOing BEing Rest And Wholeheartedness
The poet David Whyte tells of a conversation with his mentor:
Mentor: David, the antidote to exhaustion is not rest.
Whyte: What do you mean the antidote to exhaustion is not rest?
Mentor: The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.
There are so many of us who run ourselves so frantically that we are exhausted, and we say, ‘If only I could get some rest.’ What if rest is not what we need? What if it is not about rest but about wholeheartedness?
We see it as a matter of DOing vs. BEing. What if there isn’t a versus? What if we could create BEing inside of all of our DOing, create wholeheartedness within all of our DOing? Maybe the antidote to all of our DOing is simply to BE in the NOW, in the MOMENT with each of our DOing activities? What if all of our DOing could be with wholeheartedness?
Do Women Talk More Than Men?
In today’s excerpt – there are some ideas that people are so ready to believe that they become widely held with little or no basis in data. One such item was the 2006 assertion by Louann Brizendine that women speak 20,000 words a day and men speak only 7,000:
“In 2006, Louann Brizendine published a book that tapped straight into readers’ intellectual id. And no, ‘intellectual id’ is not an oxymoron. There are some things that people seem desperately eager to believe, and they’re delighted to find those things ‘confirmed’ by a piece of scholarly-seeming work. Brizendine’s The Female Brain was just such a hit.
“In the book Brizendine claimed, among other things, that women spoke 20,000 words a day, while men utter just 7,000. It was all part of her larger thesis that women’s brains work differently from men’s. And it was just what many people … wanted to hear. The British Daily Mail wrote, ‘It is something one half of the population has long suspected – and the other half always vocally denied.’ A journalist blogging at The Washington Post wrote, ‘Women talk too much, and men only think about sex … you need a Ph.D. to figure that out?’ (Brizendine has an M.D.) The claim was touted prominently on the book jacket and was an Internet sensation.
“Something didn’t sound right to Mark Liberman, a linguist at the University of Pennsylvania, though. Women speaking three times as much as men? Though his field is phonetics, Liberman also keeps a popular blog, Language Log, where he and about a dozen other linguists regularly post on general-interest language topics that crop up in the news.
“Had Brizendine done some new research? Or had Liberman missed some past research that found this huge disparity in men’s and women’s speech? He looked in the back of Brizendine’s book – one-third of the text is footnotes, lending it a weighty air – and found only one reference for the 20,000-word claim: a self-help book called Talk Language: How to Use Conversation for Profit and Pleasure, by Alan Pease and Allan Garner. Pease and Garner had not done any original fact-finding research on the subject themselves, nor did they cite anyone who had.
“Liberman dug around further. Had anybody else done the research on how much women and men talk? Sure enough, he found that they had. Unsurprisingly, there’s a huge amount of variation in talkativeness. Some people, male or female, never shut up, and some rarely talk at all. But as for average differences between the sexes, Liberman found that studies found either no difference at all or a small one – in favor of men. Yes, according to some studies, men talk (on average) slightly more than women. Liberman has not yet found any study showing women talking significantly more, though he’s asked his blog’s readers to send him any, promising to publish the results. None has shown up.
“Confronted with this, Brizendine hedged. She claimed that the Pease and Garner self-help book in her footnotes was meant to be ‘further reading,’ not a scholarly citation. She claimed an unfair backlash against her ideas: ‘It’s very politically incorrect to say there are any gender differences.’ She backtracked to say that women produced more ‘communication events’ – gestures, facial expressions, and whatnot – than men. But in the end she promised to take the bit about female logorrhea out of future editions of the book. Well she might. A study published in Science the next year, 2007, was the first to track a large number of people (210 women, 186 men) throughout the day in both the United States and Mexico. Both sexes used about 16,000 words a day, though on average, in this study, the women used 3.5 percent more words, a statistically trivial difference. Brizendine had said women talk 185 percent more than men.
“Of course, Brizendine’s dud ‘fact’ was already out of the gate, racing around blogs and book reviews. As the book went into multiple translations, foreigners latched on as fast as English speakers have. (‘Warum gebrauchen Frauen 20 000 Worter am Tag, wahrend Manner nur 7000?,’ as Das Weibliche Gehirn’s German publisher touted the claim on Germany’s Amazon.de.) It is likely that, despite Liberman’s efforts, it will become one of the early twenty-first century’s favorite factoids, something that everyone ‘knows.’ ”
Author: Robert Lane Greene
Title: You Are What You Speak
Publisher: Delacorte Press
Date: Copyright 2011 by Robert Lane Greene
Pages: 54-56
Rocky: Going the Distance & Believing
“Ah come on, Adrian, it’s true. I was nobody. But that don’t matter either, you know? ‘Cause I was thinkin’, it really don’t matter if I lose this fight. It really don’t matter if this guy opens my head, either. ‘Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody’s ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I’m still standin’, I’m gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren’t just another bum from the neighborhood. “-Sylvester Stallone as Rocky in “Rocky” (1976)
1. It’s not about winning or losing; its about going the distance (and experiencing every moment).
2. Anything is possible with someone in your corner (Adrian, Mickey-his trainer, etc.).
Running Towards The Roar
So many times in life, we hesitate. We miss the opportunities before us because of that little voice inside our head that tells us: “we can’t do that” “you are not enough” “you are going to fail” What would our lives be if we ran past that little voice into the arms of our fears? or dreams?
Love Woke Me Up This Morning
“Love woke me up this morning…”-lyric from Dreamer by Bethany Dillon
Did love wake you up this morning?
When did love wake you up?
Does love wake me up every morning, but I am not aware of it?
How can we keep that love alive throughout our days?
What if love is the fabric of our everything, but we miss seeing it?
What if love was resurrected 2011 years ago?
What if love is resurrected every day?
What would it look like for us to experience this love every moment of every day?
Happy Easter!